So there’s a guy in Times Square who thinks it’s appropriate to dress as Bane.
Yes, that Bane: the DC supervillain with the muscles and the mask and the silly everything’s-a-question voice who spends the last three hours of The Dark Knight Rises (or did it just feel that long?) about to blow up Gotham.
Yes, that Gotham: the one that’s essentially New York City.
I have a pretty tolerant view of the much-boo-hissed Times Square characters. Creepy Elsas? Dirty Elmos? Desnudas? There’s room in the world for everyone. Even that asshole Spider-man who flings his gross string-web at me as I cross the road every day at 44th isn't all that bad. Just a regular asshole.
But my tolerance stops at Bane guy. Because if we’re going to get riled up about any characters appearing in the middle of the city’s busiest location, it should be the characters who historically want to kill New Yorkers in busy locations.
Seriously, Bane guy: go away.
Times Square is already a jittery enough place to have to traverse. All those giant-GIF-like billboards and the SWAT-looking police with their comically big guns and the slo-mo tourists and the general wanting-to-be-anywhere else. Throw in a terrifying-looking guy dressed as a terrorist, and well—just fuck off Bane guy.
And while I like to have thought of myself as a freedom-of-costume supporter, I also have to extend a secondary fuck off to Jason guy. He’s the man dressed up as Jason Voorhees, aka the hockey-mask-wearing serial killer from the Friday the 13th films. You can sometimes find him standing calmly in the middle of Times Square wielding a very large blood-stained machete. Fun.
Like Bane, Jason has a history with New Yorkers, racking up a 21-person death toll in 1989’s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. So yes, he can fuck off too.
Who’ll be joining them next? An alien from Independence Day? The Cloverfield thing? The climate change from The Day After Tomorrow?
Honestly, Times Square characters, I do not care about you harassing tourists for tips or slinging me with your web (god that guy’s an ass). Just try to do one thing: Don’t dress as things that try to kill us.