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Photograph: Courtesy Creative Commons/Flickr/Guian Bolisay

The 11 types of New York City sweats

Will Gleason
Written by
Will Gleason

It’s another sticky, humid day in NYC today, and you know what that means: things are about to get sweaty. The level of humidity here in the summer coupled with the hot sidewalks and base level of exertion needed to get basically anywhere, means that June through September are not exactly the easiest, breeziest of months. In fact, they can get downright messy. So crank up that AC, throw on your best low-cut tank and get ready to experience these 11 types of New York sweats. (Then hit the beach.)

1. The secret back trickle sweat
You almost made it home in time, but not quite. As you walk up the stairs to your apartment, your fate is sealed with a lone, soul-crushing trickle.

2. The sticky sidewalk pancake sweat
Your limbs resist almost all attempts at moving as you slowly try to cross the street for an iced coffee from your bodega. At any moment, you feel as if you may become inexorably linked to the pavement.

3. The no-escape subway platform sweat
The underground heat surrounds you on all sides, creating an evenly distributed oppressive sweat over your entire body.

4. The life is full of contradictions waterfront sweat
You’re walking along the Hudson River enjoying a cool, river breeze while paradoxically sweating out of every pore of your body. You are both cold and hot.

5. The sitting in someone else’s sweat
When you don’t realize until it’s too late that the subway seat or park bench you just sat in is not as dry as it seams.

6. The dead air conditioner denial phase sweat
You try to convince yourself that your apartment is much cooler than it is as you realize you’re now 100% stuck to your couch and it would be best if you just stayed completely still until the sun sets.

7. The this is not a beach sweat
When you’re laying out in the park or on a roof and you feel like you’re on a beach, but right when you feel like getting in the water you’re like, oh right. That sucks.

8. The big morning meeting sweat
The important mornings when you, without fail, get giant pit stains and frantically try to air them out between the subway stop and your office by walking like a penguin with a penchant for business casual.

9. The loft party dance sweat
You may or may not make it out of this Bushwick party alive, but you're having a really good time dancing. You're also sweating more than you would be if you were eating a bowl of chili in a sauna.

10. The outdoor city running sweat
You literally can't stop running because that light breeze is the only thing keeping you upright at this point.

11. The rooftop day drinking sweat
When your third mojito has completely made you forget that you’re even sweating, because sometimes the pros just outweigh the cons.

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