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Photograph: Jakob N. Layman

The best date spots for five NYC archetypes

By
Ben Lerman
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A perfect date is easy to recognize after it happens. Planning the perfect date is a little more difficult. There is no such thing as the perfect date spot because we are all unique with a different set of likes and dislikes. See if you recognize yourself in one of the New York personalities below. If so, we've got a great suggestion for you. You can also check out our less targeted date night suggestions.

Who: The yoga instructor who secretly has no chill
Where: The Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club
What: A Florida-themed shuffleboard game hall and bar in Gowanus
Why: Hey, girl. This is the perfect date destination for you. From vinyasa to vinyasa, you are always on the move, from one thing to the next, barely able to control your breathing. When you try to just relax, your to-do list races through your brain, firing off a sequence of synaptical events that result in vacuuming under the sofa. The quasi-physical challenge of putting a tang (pole) in your and hand and moving some biscuits (pucks) around will calm your racing mind. Soon you’ll be unconsciously breathing from your abdomen and having the time of your life.

Who: The male model who is smarter than everyone thinks
Where: Please Don’t Tell
What: Hidden speakeasy bar
Why: You weren’t asked to be born with a square jaw, prominent cheekbones and a chiseled musculature that requires minimal commitment to a gym routine. You aren’t stupid, but you get it: haters gonna hate. You don’t need to talk them out of it. You’re content to let the genetically inferior flabby masses have their misconceptions about what’s going on between your ears. PDT is a gem of speakeasy bar hidden inside Crif Dogs, a fast food joint that serves hot dogs and tater tots. Simply pick up the receiver of the phone booth and the hostess welcomes you inside. Like you, there’s a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Who: The hedge fund manager who loves slumming it
Where: The Slipper Room
What: Neo-burlesque Theater
Why: You make no apologies for having a weekly paycheck that grossly exceeds your artist friends’ annual income. Hell, you are a supporter of the arts and you throw ‘em a few thou every now and then. Still, you play it close to the vest. You’re not hiding anything, but you have little use for flashy trinkets and toys. You’ve got a few classic pieces, but you don’t own trendy designer fashions. Your vices are dirty martinis, Cuban cigars and funny, sexy women. You should have been born into the Rat Pack, but the Slipper Room’s weekend show offers a beautiful theater filled with sexy dancers and low-brow humor.

Who: The Bushwick warehouse raver
Where: Dear Bushwick
What: Restaurant
Why: When it comes to your nightlife, you accept no mediocre bourgeois bullshit. Your drinks are uncomplicated, your DJs are real, your decor is spartan and your venues are unlicensed. If a party has a known address more than a couple days beforehand, you aren't ever going to it. When it comes to your dinner dates, however, you embrace the trappings of a mid-range comfort menu. Ease your way into this relationship with the now-famously popular pork chop at Dear Bushwick. It's a cozy spot to warm up to a new special someone before you drag them out for a night of wild abandon. Plus, you don't have to leave the only neighborhood in New York that you know your way around.

Who: The professional student
Where: The Gugghenheim Museum of Art
What: Art museum
Why: You are chasing down your second advanced degree, and you're looking for someone to share that with. You need someone who sees life as a journey, not a destination, as a series of novels, rather than chapters of one long one. You need someone who understands that the closer you get to finding the answer, the further you are from knowing the question. You need someone who accepts that you're 32 and still in school. As you take in the current exhibition, you'll encounter art that rebukes societal norms, just as you've rebuked the notion of working. Tap into your date's intellectual aptitude for interpreting art as you ascend the museum's spiral architecture, a building that mirrors your own path through the higher education system.

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