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The top ten things not to do in New York

By Dana Varinsky

1. Walk three or four across on the sidewalk
We know the ladies of Sex and the City made it look impossibly glamorous, and you get constant conversation FOMO when walking with a group, but the sidewalk was not built to handle a full phalanx of you and your girlfriends. Devise a buddy system, because when there’s four of you, there’s no way for people to go around.

2. Cut in line
With so many awesome (and popular) things to do in New York, sooner or later you’re going to wait on a line. Whether you’re queuing up to snag rush tickets, trying to grab a table at a popular brunch spot or waiting to get into the hottest new exhibit, you’re going to have to wait along with everyone else. If you sneakily try to make it to the front, you will be caught, and you will face the wrath of a crowd of scary, impatient New Yorkers. Trust us, that’s not something you want to face.

3. Try to pick something up off the train tracks
We know you have a deep emotional bond with your smartphone, but that doesn’t mean you have to risk your life to save it. The subway station is not a warzone. If you drop your phone (or wallet) it will be fine for a few minutes while you go get a subway attendant for help. And even if it’s not, at least you will be.

4. Wear flip-flops
New York can be a really inspiring place, especially in the spring. So inspiring, in fact, that you may want to let your hair down, throw on a sun dress and step out on the town in a nice pair of light-weight flip-flops. Do not do this. Or try it for one day and then look at the bottom of your feet later that night. Trust us, you’ll never go down that dark, thong-sandeled path again.

5. Pick up that mattress off the street
“Hey look, it’s a free mattress,” you might say to yourself after seeing a plush, queen sized number leaning against a street light on the corner. Do NOT take that mattress. Yes, we know it’s enclosed in a plastic bag. You still definitely do not want to bring that thing into your home. Unless you’re in the market for a bedbug infestation.

6. Eat bad pizza
In a city with as many delicious slices as we have, there’s absolutely no reason to stop at Famiglia or Domino’s. In fact, seeing how full those places can get makes New Yorkers downright angry. Chances are, no matter what part of the city you’re in, you’ll find a decent pie within a few blocks, and it’s worth looking on your phone or asking a stranger to find it. There are few more frustrating things than shitty pizza—every time you eat it, you’ve missed a golden opportunity to taste something truly awesome.

7. Block the subway doors
Why is this such a problem all the time? It’s not hard to move into the center of the train, or at least out of the way before the doors open. How is anyone supposed to move in or out of the train if you’re just standing there, mindlessly listening to your headphones and pretending you’re not a total asshole? Step aside, people. Move!

8. Refuse to leave Manhattan
The days of scoffing at the outer boroughs are over. Some of the city’s best food, nightlife and culture can be found in Brooklyn and Queens, and you just sound like an idiot when you refuse to venture farther than the East Village. We have an amazing public transportation system (despite all our hating on it), and it runs 24 hours. There's really no excuse not to get out and explore.

9. Upstream to get a taxi
Of course it's tempting to walk one block ahead of that lady who's clearly standing with her hand out, trying to hail a cab. But that's a dick move. It's inconsiderate and selfish, and there are tons of cabs on our streets. Be patient—Another will come, or you can go to a different street. If you're in that much of a rush, maybe you should have planned ahead and called an Uber.  

10. Play loud music on the subway
Think we all want to listen to your favorite new song on our way home from work? Wrong! The technology gods made headphones for a reason. Jam out by yourself as much as you want, but please don't subject us all to your music. Lots of people have to share the subway car with you. Let us be. 


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