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Why the hell are my exes always adding me on LinkedIn?!?

By
Maddy M
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Name the social media account you show the most skin on. No one said LinkedIn, right? Great, you passed my test! But just in case you’re confused, this Public Service Announcement is for you.

One morning, seated at my desk at my professional workplace, I decided to check my LinkedIn to see if there was anyone who would “like to connect” with me. As the page loads, I see a familiar face who would like to “join my network,” and I quickly scroll through my mental Rolodex. After exhausting past colleagues, intern pals and college classmates, it clicks: This is a blind date from four years ago.

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Something tells me this guy isn’t here to look at my résumé. I’m not a professional connection or a friend; in fact, we haven’t seen or spoken since I last said bye to you outside of that bar and hopped in a cab. Which begs the question: Why the hell are you adding me on LinkedIn?!? Exes of the world, listen up! Snapchat is for nudes; Facebook is for your aunt to leave random, possibly offensive articles on your wall; LinkedIn is for none of the above!

You, sir, do not belong here. How far down the social media rabbit hole have you gone, exactly? Did you already scan my Facebook and scroll back a few months on my Instagram before ending up here?

I don’t have any room in my meticulously groomed collection of connections for someone whom I have no reason to speak to ever again. The date we went on wasn’t even awful, but the fact that you’re still using the same Facebook photo from 2012 is.

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