NYC is overpopulated! These are the top 18 reasons people should stop moving here

Written by
Carla Sosenko

A recently released report from the U.S. Census has New York City hitting its projected 2020 population by the end of this year. (We New Yorkers are such overachievers, aren't we?) While we totally get why so many people want to live here—center of the universe, duh—we're starting to get a little claustrophobic and protective of our fair city. To dissuade anyone else from moving to the greatest place on earth—we're so selfish!—we've come up with reasons no one should ever, ever move to New York City.

The L train will ruin your life. 

So will the 7

Actually, make that all the trains. 

Dating here is the WORST

Living in the cultural capital of the world is exhausting. Seriously, don’t do it. 

The weather! No, really, go to LA. We hear it's always sunny there. 

New York attracts the best, brightest, most beautiful people from all over the world. Do you really want to be surrounded by folks like that? Blech. 

The NOISE!!!!! The constant, capital-letter, pneumatically drilled, relentless noise. It's almost like people are excited to be here—AND THEY WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

RatsRATS, you guys. So many rats

No matter where you live, no matter what you do, you will spend all your money on rent. Oh, you can get your own two-bedroom in Indiana for the price of a walk-up studio here? THEN STAY THERE, SON. 

Lines everywhere: for restaurants, for the bathroom, for the subway, for the treadmill at the gym, even for park benches on nice days. Granted, it's because we have so much line-worthy stuff to do, but STILL. If you enjoy hours of standing so close to strangers that you can identify their deodorant brand, come on over! 

There are too many damn restaurants. Seriously, it seems like practically every day there's something new and amazing opening up. You'll never have time to do anything but eat finger-lickin', ooey-gooey, gobsmackingly amazing food. And don't even get us started on the drinks. Want to be an overweight alcoholic? This city is for you!

Watching strangers pee and pleasure themselves on your morning commute something you're into? THEN BY ALL MEANS. 

Want to buy more groceries than you can carry in two hands? Too bad! 

Oh, you like popcorn with your movies? How adorable. That'll be $30, please. 

You will constantly be surrounded by seemingly undeserving people who have better shoes, apartments, commutes, jobs, hair, bodies, prescriptions, savings accounts, boyfriends, wives, etc. than you. You will live in a state of perpetual envy. ENJOY IT.

You'll miss being able to have a car. And sitting in it. Alone. With no one touching you.

It's just so dirty. And old. Some of the buildings here are, like, 100 years old. (And really stupidly beautiful.)


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