Judging by the fact that I'm a queer pescatarian living in Bushwick, you'd be safe to assume that I know very little about Guy Fieri—and you'd be right! But based on the tan lines and recently-closed Times Square mecca of abject food Americana, he seems like the type of masc4masc paragon that I simply can't handle! That said, he and I basically have the same hair, and Nicole Byer just visited his Burbank airport restaurant... so maybe love is in the cards for Guy and I?
If you are a true aficionado of all things oily, fried and over-the-top, then you're in for a treat: FieriCon, the SantaCon-on-FourLoco Guy Fieri bar crawl, is returning to NYC on Saturday November 17. The previous two editions brought crowds of bandana-clad goons together to hit bars like Hog Pit, Pioneers Bar, Stout NYC Flagship and the Keg Room, ending up at Guy's American Kitchen & Bar. Satellite editions of the Con have hit Milwaukee and Austin.
But what will become of the contemporary band of War Boys in 2018, when they have no Fieri-brand restaurant to call home? Will they give up once they've blacked out, or will the crawl never end until all of New York has become Guy's American Kitchen & Bar—a lurid fantasia of carnivorism, mass consumption and frightening facial hair?
The site doesn't yet have too many details on this year's crawl, but you can sign up for email updates and even score some costume suggestions. Please be safe, and if you make any friends on the day of the Con, it's perhaps for the best if you forget their names.