Let me put this weekend's SantaCon events into Stranger Things terms, so we can all understand.
If the political and ecological strife that the country is going through can be broadly categorized as a looming, malevolent shadow monster, then its brood of spawning Demogorgon hellhounds are the hundreds of Santa-clad goons descending over NYC this weekend. To take things further, I suppose the MTA and NJ Transit—who are imposing alcohol restrictions during the festival—are Paul Reiser and those scientists who foolishly thought they could contain the problem. I guess this makes me a demented Will Byers, seeing the end before it comes, and my editor a shrieking Winona Ryder, trying to make sense of my gibberish.
The yuletide bar crawl hits midtown this Saturday, starting at the Farley Post Office building at 31st Street and Eighth Avenue, and hitting dozens of clubs and bars until 7pm. This year's lineup of spots (or victims) includes Slate, Slake, Mustang Harry's, Karaoke City, Slattery's Midtown Pub and many more. Instead of consulting hastily drawn monster maps or divining signs from Christmas lights, you can check out the event’s route here:
The MTA and NJ Transit have teamed up to ban alcoholic beverages on their trains from noon on Saturday to noon on Sunday, and cops will be on the watch for surly, inebriated Santas.
But before we give in to our fates, there may be an eleventh-hour savior, our shabby equivalent of a telekinetic girl who has come to save us. NYC is expected be hit with four inches of snow this weekend. It's not enough to stop the Santas, but perhaps it can slow them down, or at least quiet them down a little?
Remember: it's just one day. Hopefully, they will quickly return to the Upside Down and leave us to recover (until next year).