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JT Tsou recently swore off using dating apps.
“People who are on dating apps just want to move really fast,” said the New York City-based writer and producer. “But, to really get a connection with someone, it’s gotta be a slow burn. You want to get to know someone and their habits, their likes, and dislikes.”
Singles hoping to find love online are doomed—at least according to a spate of headlines that espouse the prevalence of dating app fatigue that people like Tsou feel.
The allure of entering a seemingly wider pool of attractive suitors has devolved into painstaking repetition: ghosting, small talk, or dates, that for one reason or another don’t advance into meaningful relationships.
The trials and tribulations of online dating aside, public health authorities in recent years have rung the bell on loneliness and social isolation as pressing concerns. People yearn to relate to one another but in organic ways.
The dating approaches for connecting “IRL” oscillate between the experimental (think: pseudo-business cards with your info to hand out to strangers) and the traditional (old-fashioned matchmakers).
Across the city, a “slow-burn” alternative to the apps, nestled between novel and familiar, has emerged: live dating shows. These events translate stand-up comedy and reality television formats into eclectic game shows. Contestants, who are often strangers to one another, may find themselves making out in front of an audience or divulging their innermost secrets.
“Why Are You Single?”, the brainchild of Marie Faustin and Dave Mizzoni, interrogates its participants to unearth their red flags. Dr. Alex (played by Roslyn Hart) of “Never Sleep Alone” draws upon the camp of cabaret, incorporating live music into empowerment-centered activities. UpDating, moderated by comedians Harrison Forman and Brandan Berman, guides blind dates through questions aimed at ascertaining their compatibility before physical appearance is thrown into the equation.
The original impetus for her show, Dr. Alex aka Hart said, was seeing people want to have an excuse to talk to one another, but not being able to. “I wanted to create an environment where you got to,” she said.
Over a decade ago, she recalled familiar ambivalence towards the apps.
“I was tired of online dating back in 2011,” Hart said. “You’re buried in your phone, swiping false options, that you don’t connect with the people that are right around you.”
Conversely, Berman said, meeting people in person will never get old.
Tsou, who was a part of the on-stage cast for a “Why Are You Single” event, said being in-person, “it’s easier to spot when someone is really not for you.”
Forman sees the allure of UpDating to be in its rawness—whether in the earnest nerves displayed by some on-stage contestants or the unbridled potential for storylines to veer out of the hosts’ plans (for example, audience members volunteering at the last second to be considered if an on-stage blind date does not pan out).
For “Never Sleep Alone,” any anxieties or inhibitions associated with talking to someone new can be alleviated, in part, by the prompt and activity-driven nature of the event, Hart said.
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“‘Dr. Alex told me to do it.’ So there’s no fear of rejection. There’s no fear of being awkward,” she added.
The vulnerability of on-stage contestants may also inspire a vote of confidence among singles in the crowd.
“They’re like ‘Oh, wow. These people just opened up like that on stage. I can go up to someone,’” Berman said.
Live dating shows are not only for salacious hook-ups, said Pankti Doshi, an event planner and genetic counselor, who participated in “Never Sleep Alone.” She attended with friends, including a married couple.
Whether romantic or platonic, she said, they were all looking for some human connection.
“We’re all here to have some fun, but also,” she continued. “You never know in a moment’s notice, your whole life can change.”
One couple that is still together met in August of 2022 at a Philadephia UpDating show. The guy came onto the stage at the last second, Berman said, and a female contestant who was blindfolded, during an activity, felt his nose.
He recalled her saying, “‘I like this guy’s nose.”
“Blindfolds came off. She’s like ‘He’s perfect.’ The rest is history.”