Heads up! We’re working hard to be accurate – but these are unusual times, so please always check before heading out.
1. That guy who decides his brilliant opening line will be "What up, boo?"
2. The girl whose tagline consists only of emojis. I guess that means you like surfing at Rockaway and listening to music on headphones?
3. That guy whose profile image is of him with his arm wrapped around another girl. Is that a "this could be you" attempt, or are you trying to sell yourself as a ladies man? Either way, LEFT SWIPE.
4. The guy who poses with his dog is cute. The guy who poses with a dog stuffed-animal is not.
5. The guy who uses Tinder as a way to promote his struggling band in Bed-Stuy. "Hey, thanks for thinking I'm cute! Can you check out my band's single on YouTube?"
6. The awkward moment when your brother comes up as a possible match. It's enough to get you to delete the app for good.
7. The girl who has close-up pics of all her tattoos.
8. The guy who's main photo is of him PERFORMING SURGERY. You're a doctor—mazel. But that does not look sterile!
9. The guy who's main photo may or may not be a shot of him at his wedding with his bride.
10. The guy that's super open about his fetish. "Into panty hose. We can wear them together." Best of luck to you, sir.
11. The guy who is on a boat on the Hudson in every shot.
12. The guy whose pictures have only his abs and biceps—no face.13. The dude who messages you with just "hey." Does that ever work for you?
14. The girl who's "like totally bisexual. I totally made out with a girl at NYU, and it was, like, totally hot." Also, the guys who fall for this.
15. The guy whose profile picture is with a sick, potentially dying elderly relative.
16. The guy who's insecure about his height. "So, just sayin': I'm 5'9". You know, just sayin'. It seems to be important to some of you." Also, he's 5'6".
17. The guy who only knows how to talk about one thing. ("Hey, I see you like Pearl Jam. Do you like them or LOVE them? What's your favorite Pearl Jam moment? Which member of Pearl Jam would you want to be stranded on a desert island with? PEARL JAM!!!")
18. The one who writes in teen speak: "r u free l8er?" (No, no, I am not.)
19. The girl who likes to flaunt her humanitarianism. Every picture is of her in a developing country smiling with an "underprivileged child."
20. The girl who really just wants to creep but has no interest in meeting in person. All of her photos are artsy but give you no real idea what she looks like.
21. The guy who has been to Machu Picchu. Oh wait, is that everyone?
22. The guy who only has childhood photos of himself.
23. The guy who asks you to leave work during the day to go on a date in midtown.
24. The guy that sends a dick pic "moment."
25. The artist girl. What's on their profile? Endless self-promotion.
26. The guy who won't explain to you what he does for a living (he probably works on Wall Street), because "you might not understand—it's complicated."
27. The girl with the totally professional, sensible LinkedIn headshot. (This is not what I had in mind when you enquired about my openings, sir.)
28. That person who is DTF. You meet. They are TOTALLY not DTF.
29. The guy who's posing with an awkward-looking celebrity. Well done! We now know you are so boring you had to get professional help to look like you have a life!
30. The girl who isn't actually looking to date anyone but has found a new way to show people pictures of her ass in yoga pants.
31. The guy posing in front of a clichéd New York landmark. Awesome! Now we know you're a tourist who's only in town for one week and trying to bang a local.
32. That woman who's drinking beer in all six photos. Do you have any other hobbies, perchance?
33. The desperate dude whose photo is of him holding a sign that reads "swipe right."
34. The struggling super-Off Broadway actor whose only photos involve being onstage in various costumes.
35. The 18-year-old. No.
36. The guy who sends an opening message saying, "Not to be rude, but you should really come sit on my face. I live in Sheepshead Bay." NO on all counts.
37. The guy in the Brooklyn band.
38. The gal who is wearing sunglasses in every single photo.
39. The guy who wants to meet at Grand Central for a date, because he lives in Westchester.
40. The pretentious dater who lists all her degrees and which fancy schools each one came from.
41. The jacked dude whose expression, best described as "angry at smelling a fart," can't possibly be his most attractive look, unless it actually is, which is worse.
42. The Jersey bro who's wearing a tank in every pic, and not one is near a beach.
43. The guy who clearly lives outside NYC, because all his pics are selfies of him at the wheel of his car. Not safe!
44. The guy who wants to lick your toes.
45. The One. Wait! Unswipe!