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The seven deadly sins for which every Tel Avivian must atone this Yom Kippur

Don't moan, atone these sins which hold true to the Tel Avivian lifestyle

All illustrations by Dor Blayer

Forgive me, Rabbi, for I have sinned

1
Hubris

Hubris

Considered the most serious of the seven deadly sins; a biker's desire to put his or her own needs before the welfare of innocent pedestrians as they alternate recklessly between bike lanes, sidewalks, and streetcars named desire.

2
Gluttony

Gluttony

An inordinate preoccupation with consuming more than one requires; most frequently exhibited in Shuk HaCarmel on Friday mornings, Tony Vespa on Thursday nights, and any hummuseria at any given time.

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3
Sloth

Sloth

A friendly term used to describe an all-round laziness that stems from excessive amounts of weed...also the #1 cause for lateness or "running on Israel time."

4
Lust

Lust

The Freudian sublimation of unfulfilled physical desires towards an overly emotional love for dogs.

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5
Avarice

Avarice

Extreme greed in the form of taking four part-time jobs in order to pay rent.

6
Wrath

Wrath

An unbridled anger that manifests from point A to point B through any form of transportation.

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7
Envy

Envy

A feeling of discontentment with your current hipster appearance, no matter how full-bodied your beard or motherly your mom jeans.

While you're atoning, check out these ANTI New Year's resolutions

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