The summer is over and north Londoners have returned from their farmhouses in the South of France, west Londoners have sailed back from their Greek islands, south Londoners have fallen off the plane from Ibiza and east Londoners have finally left Victoria Park. Now routine has returned, everyone is looking for ways to shift that holiday weight.
Fitness-wise, September is basically January's little brother. It's got good intentions, but not quite as serious and with more of an inclination to turn to drink. Whereas in the New Year Londoners just head for the local gym, something about September imbues people with a sense of adventure, so here are some of the new exercisers you might see over the next few months.
The one who joins a hybrid class
Someone at work has told this Londoner about an amazing place in Greenwich which combines trampolining with bungee jumping. Despite living in Muswell Hill they reckon this exercise will change their life and make them look like Beyoncé. In reality, they spend two and a half hours every Thursday getting to a sports hall in Blackheath where they bounce around for 20 minutes, feel immediately sad they haven't lost a stone and buy a Yorkie for the schlep back home.
The new outdoor runner
'Yes! I shall join a running club', thinks this fitness newbie. 'It will be so cool and friendly and I'll make a new BFF and probably meet my superfit future partner there.' In reality, they'll spend a month panting at the back of the pack feeling that everyone else is best friends and then come November gratefully light a fire and burn their trainers.
The one who tries to cycle EVERYWHERE
Despite having not cycled since they failed their cycling proficiency test in primary school, this amateur racer is not put off. The images filling their head of them cycling through fallen leaves past the British Library with their scarf streaming out behind them are so strong they immediately go to their nearest bike shop and purchase a bicycle, a basket, panniers, a posh helmet and some top-of-the-range lights. They think 2016 will be the year they conquer London on two wheels. In reality, they get stuck in the pouring rain confused as to why Google Maps is trying to direct them into a suicide mission on the Marylebone flyover. The bike goes into the shed and the Northern line reclaims another victim.
The one who starts a netball team
Filled with a sense of excitement that all their friends are back from holiday, this Londoner decides that forming a netball team made up of their besties is the most excellent idea they’ve ever had. They purchase matching vests with hilarious names on them, sign up to a league and turn up ready to rock. In reality, everyone falls over each other, swears, realises they can’t play netball and hated playing netball at school and goes to the pub.