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butterfly wings, coachella
Photograph: Kate Wertheimer Butterfly wings = no personal space

What not to wear to a music festival

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One thing I love about music festival season as much as the next fashion aficionado is the opportunity to play around with wardrobe options. Some people opt for a clean and subtle palette, while others go for the standard basic bitch starter pack of anything fringe, neon, crocheted and cropped—topping everything with a signature flower crown of course. Then there are those people who decide to become truly experimental with their wardrobe and end up looking like they got dressed in the dark.

Whether you're attending Governors Ball or Lollapalooza  or FYF later this summer, I give you some examples of what NOT to wear.

1. Tie-dye and butterfly wings. I’m not necessarily against tie-dye, but I think the pattern is more acceptable in moderation. Also, can we please talk about the wings? I won’t lie—I partially wanted to try them on and play with them, but I think I would have appreciated those wings for a more appropriate event like Carnivale or LA Pride… maybe even the upcoming EDC Las Vegas? But still how the hell are those at all convenient for a music festival? Two words: Personal space. I feel really bad to the unsuspecting festival-goer who probably got hit in the face once this dude decided to spread his wings and fly. I will, however, give him props on the gold sneakers—a metallic accessory is always on point.

 

2. The person who dresses like food. “He delivers.” Well, sadly this pizza man did not deliver in the outfit below. I don’t know a single person in the world who doesn’t love some ‘za, but this guy is taking it to a whole new level in spandex. Where does one even find pizza printed leggings, a tank and a snapback to match? I’m all for flaunting what your mama gave you and being big, beautiful and proud but spandex isn’t such a great idea when you’ll be making your way through sweaty crowds and jamming to music. Good luck with your swamp ass for the rest of the day!

 

3. Just too much. A well known rule of thumb for fashion insiders is to take a look in the mirror on your way out and take one thing off. This girl, however, did the exact opposite. She has way too much going on here. Please, for the love of god people, I beg of you, do not over accessorize. It’s such a shame because I do like what she’s working with on her bottom half. Those light wash denim shorts and white Birkenstocks are crisp and clean but what is happening up top? Ruffles, a kimono, cross earrings AND a flower crown? That’s a festival fashion trend that needs to die fast, please. Too many motifs here. EDIT, EDIT, EDIT!

 

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