Deja Vu is a strip club in the truest sense of the phrase. It’s massive, full of ladies hustling for private dances and open till 6am. A busy night (usually a Friday or Saturday after 1am) has the mesmerizing enchantment of a swiftly-moving assembly line: Dancers rotate between three stages and then head to the floor to wrangle a lap. At regular intervals, an announcement calls all dancers back to the stage for a $1 song special, then it’s back to the floor to collect those singles, which gives the gorgeous waitresses (dressed as sexy maids) a chance to the clean the poles seductively—just in time for the next dancer to hit the main stage. Wash, rinse, repeat and before you know it it’s closing time. One weird dance special of note: The $10 “balloon dance,” in which one of the waitresses (who are typically the most attractive workers at the club) places a balloon on your lap and bounces and grinds on top of it until it pops. It sounds fun, but as is so often the case in life—and strip clubs—reality never quite meets expectations. The reality of a balloon dance is that anyone, sexy maid or not, bouncing on your lap with all her weight not only doesn’t feel sexy, but also fills the air with latex odors and the awkward, intolerable squeak of a balloon rubbed raw. We recommend passing on the balloon dance and going for the higher mileage, more traditional $20 private dance.
While definitely not the fanciest or busiest of L.A.’s nude strip clubs, La Vida still maintains its charm and appeal with an assortment of friendly dancers. The stage doesn’t get a lot of action from tippers, but the girls—diverse in both ethnicity and body type—will seek out customers and strike up flirty conversations to loosen things up. There’s never any overt pressure to buy dances or drinks, which keeps the atmosphere relaxed and amicable. If you do opt for a private dance, the prices are pretty standard ($20–$60 for one to four songs) though $100 will get you a ten minute VIP session, which means a little more privacy and attention from your dancer—and the more you’re willing to spend the more mileage you’re likely to get. Songs at strip clubs tend be on the short side—around one to three minutes—so we say either go all out for the VIP or wait for the occasional three-for-$40 special. An alarm goes off and all the dancers parade across the stage—it’s impossible to miss.
Xposed is a haven for high mileage lap dances and the kind of guys that service attracts. The stage shows aren’t particularly spectacular, especially when compared to places like 4Play or Cheetahs, but that tends to be the norm for full nude strip clubs in L.A., where the main selling point is the lap dance. When asked how much a private session is, one dancer responded with, “$20 for topless, $40 for full nude, $80 and I’ll jerk you off.” So, you know, there’s that. That being said, what makes this club one of the best in L.A.? The simple fact Xposed offers patrons the opportunity to get very close with a seductive woman in the comfort of a relaxed (massage chairs, anyone?) and polished environment (read: not seedy). There’s also the easy access to alcohol at Xposed’s sister bar, Wet Spot, which is a cover-free bikini joint open till 2am (be sure to get your hand stamped after paying the $20 entrance fee so you can easily walk back and forth between the two bars). One more thing worth mentioning is the Thursday night special, which features no cover for couples and free, unlimited lap dances for your date. The deal is LGBT-friendly and applies to both male and female couples—the lovers will just have to decide who is the designated lap dance recipient for the night. A note of warning to all those clever bros out there: The club will require you to kiss if you claim to be a gay couple, and we have a feeling they’ll be looking for something a little more intimate than a peck.
Let’s cut to the chase: 4Play is the most exceptional and, almost assuredly, best strip club in Los Angeles. The dancers are stunningly gorgeous and the sumptuous interior evokes a New Orleans madame’s bewitching bordello. The ladies here are neither your girl-next-door type nor twerkers, they have modelesque physiques and the best way to describe them is simply hot. Unlike at most clubs, however, the dancers are a little less likely to approach you for a private dance here, especially if you’re with a group of people. They tend to line up near the bar and either wait for you to come to them or to see how much money you’re throwing around. Honestly though, it’s so easy to be mesmerized by the girls on stage that you may be perfectly content to sit, watch and keep the dollar bills flowing. And it should be noted, all this luxury and beauty doesn’t come for free—or even close to cheap. Private dances start at $25, and that’s in addition to the $20 cover and $7 drink minimum. Despite a few more downsides, like pushy waitresses and girls with a scent for trust funds and big spenders, 4Play still offers the classiest strip club environment—and the best looking dancers—in all of L.A.