67 things you'll never hear an Angeleno say

Tourists, visiting cousins and gluttons for punishment may speak such silliness, but true blue Angelenos? Never.

Photograph: Courtesy Hollywood Sign Trust. All rights reserved.Hollywood Sign

1. Look! The Hollywood sign!

2. I'd love to give you a ride to LAX.

3. I'm gonna take a little joyride up the 405 around 5pm tonight. Clear my head.

4. Who does yoga anymore, honestly?

5. The boardwalk at Venice Beach doesn't scare me at all.

6. Wait, what's "animal style"?

7. USC students seem so well adjusted and down to earth.

8. I respect our city's Latino heritage by correctly pronouncing Cañon Drive, Los Feliz and Sepulveda.

9. Public transportation is so practical here.

10. I'm doing this thing now where I only eat gluten.

11. I can't find a farmers market anywhere.

12. Kale is so over.

13. I wish my agent would stop calling me.

14. There will definitely be street parking.

15. I've been a Clippers fan for decades.

16. The housing market is totally affordable right now.

17. Free tote bag? Nah, I'm okay.

18. I'm so glad that developer tore down those Spanish-style bungalows to build these snazzy new condos!

19. I can name my city councilman.

20. The Grove is a super cool place to hang out.

21. Hey man, those paparazzi are just trying to make an honest living.

22. I'm a producer, but my real job is in the service industry.

23. Let's grab a quick lunch at Pink's.

24. Should we walk there?

25. I love hanging out at Santa Monica Pier with all the locals.

26. The night sky is so breathtaking here.

27. Why yes, I would like to go on a celebrity home tour!

28. This taco truck sucks. Let's go to Del Taco.

29. Jeez, nobody will issue me a medical marijuana card.

30. Scientology is legit.

31. Money's kind of tight right now, so I think we're just gonna go to Disneyland this weekend.

32. Rain, again?

33. The Fountain shortcut always works—it's like a secret no one knows about!

34. Can I have your autograph?

35. Dolby Theatre.

36. What's Spiderman doing on Hollywood Boulevard? Let's ask him!

37. Cash only? That's cool.

38. Street sweeping is definitely about clean streets, not doling out parking tickets.

39. Man, I really wish Villaraigosa was still our mayor.

40. They're not real!

41. Don't worry, cops don't care about jaywalking here.

42. Vin Scully? Who's that?

43. Dude, the Hollywood Walk of Fame is like the eighth wonder of the world.

44. Malibu Wines at 10am? That is a terrible idea.

45. I wish more helicopters would fly over my neighborhood.

46. We have a plentiful supply of water.

47. Let's hail a cab.

48. Please come stay at our hotel. Nobody famous ever partied/played/died here.

49. Whoa, these were factory-made with non-organic materials halfway across the world? I'll take three.

50. There's room for everyone on this surf break. Paddle over!

51. Let's go to Hollywood and Highland!

52. Go ahead and wear the other team's jersey to the Dodgers game. You definitely won't get beat up.

53. I am not tempted—nor am I made inexplicably ill—by danger dogs.

54. I need to shovel out the car.

55. LA really takes great care of its sidewalks.

56. I'm so sick of avocados.

57. Left on yellow? Wouldn't dare.

58. I should really pick up LA Weekly more often.

59. I bet those city officials in Bell were really hard workers. They probably deserved those raises.

60. Coachella is not a complete and utter shitshow.

61. You know what this city needs? More jorts.

62. Carmaggedon ruined my weekend, just like they said it would.

63. I got my puppy from the pet shop at the mall. Couldn't resist.

64. Craft beer? Boring.

65. I have no strong feelings about the Eastside versus Westside.

66. Chinatown? Never seen it. What's it about?

67. New York is cooler than Los Angeles.

What's missing from our list? Tell us in a comment below.


David Salter

I would never say New York is cooler than Los Angeles because it's such an obvious fact it doesn't need to be stated.

Aaron C

Look over there ,it's free parking!

Galeano X

Go to the pinks in del amo if lines aren't your thing and you want food in your hand sooner than later.

Ej C

I hate tacos.

Burbank is a cultural utopia.

The 'Bu.

Pho (with a long "o")

Promenade (with the last syllable pronounced "aid")

Judy T

Cali. No Angeleno calls California, Cali.

Amos V

I've never even considered paying $6 for a cup of coffee.

You live in The Valley? Awesome!

Remember back when everyone used to get plastic surgery?

Waze always gets me across town on time.

I never use my phone while driving.

Wow, people are really great at driving in the rain here!

My rent is surprisingly affordable.

The Beatles are the worst band to ever have played music.

The plight of the homeless in LA has really turned around lately.

Some of my best friends live in South Los Angeles and are quite happy with its state of repair.

Someone should really build a hotel on top of The House of Blues Sunset Strip.

What's a Trust Fund?

Tyler W

Chilli John's is always open, no worries.

Stacyepps E

I know Los Angela's are both big cities to have fun in from stacy.

Ashley P

Thank goodness everyone around here uses turn signals

Kat M

What time do the Disneyland Fireworks go off? (I used to live in Orange and could set my clock to 9:00 pm nightly).

Sarah G

1. Where's the nearest In n' Out?

2. Malibu Seafood after a beach day? Nah, I'll pass.

3. I hope the Ducks win the Stanley Cup!

4. We'll be there by 6 if we leave at 5.

5. Just take the Golden State fwy to the Ronald Reagan fwy...

Ricky R

Add these 10 to the list:

That was "Tubular".

Do you carry the New York Times?

"Excuse me." when changing lanes.

Why are the girls around here so ugly?

I'll meet you at 3rd and Fairfax so we can go to Hollywood and Highland and get something to eat at Roscoe's.....yeah, the one at Gower and Sunset.

Lies? What lies?

My building is rent controlled. 

I drink to get drunk.

Nah, nah. There are no guns in the car officer.

L.A. County Jail was the best experience of my life!

Macc M

We need more coffee shops.

Macc M

The polIce love black people.

Macc M

Let's go canoeing in the LA river.

Eduardo G

Let's go check out the Watts Towers.

Tim B

" i dont need a car" 

" I m enjoying this hot day" 

"i dont know where people hike" 

"lets go to the beach" 

Dave R

I'm not a native "Angeleno" so my opinion may not count. However, I do work in tourism. If you can believe it, I have gotten many people who were born and raised in the So Cal on my tours. Many locals have never seen the Venice Canals, the Angels Flight, Hollywood sign up close, Walt Disney Concert Hall, Griffith Observatory, etc. Many have never eaten at The Pantry, Philippes, Musso & Frank's.

Having lived here for 5 years, certain things don't impress me much anymore. I'll add to the list of things that never get said by LA locals.

"Look, a palm tree."

"Is there a chance of rain today?"

"OMG, there is a film crew"

"Let's go to a tv taping"

Robert M

@Dave R Thank you for the restaurant recommendations.  I live in Orange County by way of San Diego, and I love to hear of great eats.  I looked up those 3 places and am going to make the drive to check them out.  Local s always know the best places to eat.  Thanks again.

insi10 m

"I left my heart in San Francisco."

"I only go to Vegas for the shows."

insi10 m

"Universal Studios is SO safe at night!  Let's go to the midnight movie."

"What's Canter's?"

"What's Pinks?"

insi10 m

"Southern Cal" for USC

"Cali," meaning California.

"Runyon is SO uncrowded and peaceful."  (Actually, it is if you know when to walk and can accurately throw a rock at those aholes with the lights on their foreheads.)

Bernadette M

Sorry but I have been a Clippers fan since the 1980s and I am proud to say that I am not a bandwagon fan because I loved the Clippers (Still do) even when they ware not winning anything. I think it was just Billy Crystal and myself at the Sports Arena that were cheering for them. 

Jamie S

"Sorry, I know it's the middle of your work day" when one of your many unemployed friends calls your cell when you're at work.


What we really need around here is more Brits.

Bill S

@SonOfSM What we really need everywhere is more Mexicans.

j a

I'm from Los Angeles and 1. Yes, when we moved our office AT Sunset and Vine to the back side of the building everyone in the office DID say Hey look there's the Hollywood sign 2. I am NOT afraid of Venice Boardwalk and I previously lived there for over 10 years 3. Yes I lovingly offer to drive friends to LAX--what kind of douchey friend are you if you don't 4. No one in my neighborhood does yoga except the trustafarian hipsters that are now moving in 5. I HAVE followed the Clippers since the 80s 6. and yes public transpo is practical 7. my City Council person is Bernard Parks 8. and I usually walk (or take public transportation most places)

insi10 m

@j a You're obviously a newly sworn-in immigrant citizen.  Knowing who your city councilman is proves that beyond disputation. And "lovingly" offering to drive friends to LAX?  I've driven friends and family there numerous times, and had to  commute there daily for a couple from Hwood for a conference I was running, but never would have attached "lovingly" to the experience as an adjective. Loving the trip back and forth to LAX is like being a Clippers fan for decades,

I remember using public transportation back in the 1980s from USC to the theaters at Beverly Center ...forget what they were called then.  Three hours of pain each way.  Sure, you can use public transportation if you live and work on a route it serves.  Otherwise...get off the crack.

Elisi N

@insi10 m @j a Toss up on a root canal or a trip to LAX! This girl says, take Uber not my cup of tea for pain in either instance. I would actually prefer sitting back smoking the pot :)


Get here on time the bands will start playing at 9 sharp.

Cary L

Hey Obama is in town so there shouldn't be much traffic on the road.

Andrew C

Warehouse parties are so lame, let's just go to Avalon!

Jen W

I prefer walking there instead of driving.

Let's take the subway!

I don't need to work out everyday.

Do you want to go to Melrose and shop?

My brains will get me to the top in this town!

Jess R

#5 is wrong. People who live in LA are not afraid of the boardwalk on Venice beach. We just like to see how scared the tourists get at Venice beach. 

insi10 m

@Jess R I thought that one was a bit out of line.  On the other hand, I've never been there at night.  Many times during the day.

Michael D

I actually have been a clippers fan for decades though. along with lots of other angeleno's that I know and meet. and also before uber and left hailing a cab was becoming a pretty common thing. especially on main st. in santa monica at night. otherwise spot on list. especially the carmeggedon post, because anyone in LA  who actually took there cars out and went driving knows that was like the best day ever.

Maddie C

Graffitti is so original here.

saundra s

OMG they just opened Dunkin Donuts. 

Benjamin A

"Sure I'll visit you if you move to the Valley!"

"Let's go to Pasadena!"

"LA has amazing italian food!"

"Burbank is awesome!"

"White people aren't scared of the south side!"

"LA is sooooo integrated!"

insi10 m

@Benjamin A "LA is NOT sooooo integrated!"?

Obviously, you have never lived anywhere else. 

Galeano X

It isn't integrated at all. I am yet to see bourgeois whites hanging out with working class Latinos

Kirby N

@Benjamin A Based on the italian comment I'm guessing you've never been to Dan Tana's...?