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13 reasons you know New York colleges are back in session

Will Gleason
Written by
Will Gleason

It’s back-to-school time in New York again. Not only does that mean the city’s beaches are shutting down and public schools are officially back in session (no matter how hot it is), but it also means the fall’s annual wave of college students have descended upon the five boroughs like a plague of binge-drinking locusts. From horrified freshman to smug grad students, here are 13 ways you know college is back in session in NYC.

1. Second Avenue once again looks like an Electric Zoo after party every night. 

2. Someone riding a kick scooter just hit you in the face with a messenger bag. 

3. You get pushed off the sidewalk by a group of people in matching t-shirts on an icebreaker scavenger hunt. 

4. The hottest dinner spot is Manhattan is.... your corner dollar pizza place. 

5. Your crowded morning L train commute just got even more crowded with 50 extra backpacks or so.

6. Overnight, your daily spin class morphed into a Lord of the Flies-like struggle to claim an empty seat. 

7. Getting into bars takes longer because at least one person ahead of you can’t get in because they “forget their ID” or are clearly not Pakistani.

8. For one week, the sidewalks are filled with older couples from out-of-town warily trailing behind teenagers in cut-offs.

9. Every Think Coffee suddenly becomes busier than Times Square. 

10. The average age of the possible matches on your smartphone dating app drops by a solid eight years.

11. Someone tries to talk to you about theory while drinking a PBR.

12. Joshua Tree, McFadden's, Union Pool, Down the Hatch and 13th Step have instantly become more horrifying than Mordor. 

13. Walking through Washington Square Park or Morningside Heights makes you feel old. So, so old.

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