Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade; Manhattan (Begins at W 77th St and Central Park West)
For the 88th year, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will usher in the holiday season with familiar sights like giant balloons, high-kicking Rockettes and Santa’s sleigh, plus celebrity appearances.
Thanksgiving Cruise; Hudson River Park at Pier 40, 1:30pm. $99.
Eat and be merry on this holiday cruise with all the trimmings: a buffet full of harvest-inspired food, a flatscreen featuring the big football game (for those of you that just can't miss it) and sparkling wine at the door when you arrive.
Macy's on Thanksgiving; 151 W 34th St at Sixth Ave. Free.
Ready, set—shop! Promptly after the parade and your Thanksgiving meal, eager Black Friday shoppers should know that Macy’s will open its doors one day early (sucking two more hours out of the holiday than last year) by opening at 6pm.
Akim Funk Buddha's Hip–Hop Holiday; BAM Peter Jay Sharp Building, Fort Greene, 9pm. Free.
He's not only a hip-hop dancer. No, Zimbabwe-born Akim Funk Buddha does everything from the classic two-step to martial arts to Balinese monkey chanting—which is totally a thing, by the way.
The Babadook opens in theaters
Fine, so the strongest horror movie of the year comes out a month after Halloween. Jennifer Kent's The Babadook is still an absolute stunner.
George Balanchine's The Nutcracker; David H. Koch Theater (at Lincoln Center), Upper West Side, 8pm. $71–$156.
New York City Ballet presents the 60th-anniversary season of George Balanchine's The Nutcracker, a magical 1954 production set to Tchaikovsky's incredible score.
The Annual Post-Thanksgiving Multiethnic Eating Tour; Manhattan. Meet at the southwest corner of Delancey and Essex Sts. Subway; F to Delancey St; J, Z, M to Delancey–Essex Sts; 11am and 2pm. $23, seniors and students $20
Pining for a plantain? Dying for douhua? Embark on this culinary tour of the Lower East Side, Chinatown and Little Italy, which features nibbles from various ethnic shops and markets, including Italian specialty store Enoteca DiPalo.
NYC Grindhouse presents Home Sweet Home and ThanksKilling; Videology, Williamsburg, 7:30pm. Free.
These Thanksgiving-themed horror flicks are horrible in that they suck. Really, really badly. But that's the beauty of them! Head to this event to laugh your ass off at ridiculously bad acting and subpar special effects.
Tinder Live!; Knitting Factory, Williamsburg, 8:30pm. $10.
Watch as host Lane Moore calls out dreadful, Tinder dating faux pas in real-time using actual profiles. Don't worry, she won't call out yours if you don't want her to.
Gilbert Gottfried; Carolines on Broadway, Midtown West. 10pm. $20.
You may know him as the parrot from Aladdin or more recently the Aflac duck, but this odd-sounding comedian doesn't just do animal voices. He's a seasoned stand-up performer and you should see his act.
Tedxxx: Ideas Worth Dreading; Videology, Williamsburg, 9:30pm. Free.
You go to TED talks for insight on some of the world's more complex thoughts and concepts. You go to TEDxxx to see talented comedians and journalists give drunken PowerPoint presentations like "Pride and Prejudice and the A-List: How Jane Austen Predicted Kim Kardashian: Hollywood."
The Wonderful World of Boning: Sex Ed with a Sense of Humor; Union Hall
This may be less awkward than your junior high class, but there'll be just as much laughter.
Boyhood and Postscreening Discussion with Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke; Museum of Modern Art, Midtown East, 2pm. $12.
See Boyhood and stick around for a discussion about the innovative film that took 12 years to make, as part of the "Contenders" exhibition.
The Moth GrandSLAM XXXIV; Music Hall of Williamsburg, 7:30pm. $20.
Literary organization the Moth pits 10 winners of its weekly StorySLAM series against one another to duke it out for the title of GrandSLAM Story Champion.