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15 New York moments when you really need a Xanax

15 New York moments when you really need a Xanax
Photograph: Courtesy CC/Flickr/Michael Semensohn

Anxiety might be New Yorkers' best frenemy, but sometimes that stress that gets you going in the morning can be a bit, well, too much. When there's no time for a walk in the park to calm down, you might just find yourself in the midst of a breakdown in Times Square. Don't worry, though; nearly every Gothamite ends up weeping in public at some point. So find that elusive subway therapist or pop a pill—you deserve it when these things happen:

1. When you graciously step out the packed subway doors to let people off only to then be trampled and pushed aside by the new passengers trying to get on. 

2. That thing where it rained so much earlier in the day that you need a gondola just to cross 10th Avenue if you want to protect your work attire from three-feet-deep puddles. 

 

3. When you're just about to get to the front of a four-hour line to the latest art exhibit or trendy food craze and suddenly the person in front of you lets their boyfriend, best friend, grandmother and that girl they met in the elevator join them in line. 

3a. You'll need a particularly strong dose if the above exhibit/epicurean delight sold out as soon as you got to the door. 

4. Those occasions when your coworker casually mentions that the theater/club/friend's apartment where you hung out last night currently has a bedbug infestation.

 

5. When you come across your boss on a dating app and suddenly realize just how stupid/cheesy/sleazy your profile is and start calculation the likelihood they saw it. 

6. That time where all you wanted desperately was an Uber, but the price surge was 4.1 times the normal prices.

7. That moment when you get to the subway platform only to find it empty of other riders and decorated with a few papers stating clearly that there will be no service to your stop all weekend.

8. Those days when your absolute favorite food truck decides not to park outside your office and you don't know how you'll make it through the afternoon without the taco/grilled cheese/falafel you were craving. 

 

9. The whole month when you're expecting your lease renewal from your landlord and every article you read seems to be about rent hikes in your area.

10. When you find the most comfortable bed ever and realize the furniture store doesn't deliver. Now what?!

 

11. 10. When you show up to a Mets bar in Queens while wearing Yankees paraphernalia. Or the opposite in the Bronx.

12.  When you meet your potential soulmate and learn they live in a different borough no less than three train transfers away.

 

13. That moment when you're surrounded by native New Yorkers and realize you'll never be as New York as them. 

 14. That moment when you're surrounded by new transplants and you really are a jaded New Yorker. 

15. When you're told by your job, partner or psychiatrist that you should move to another city at some point in the future. But how could you live without New York?

 

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Comments

3 comments
Gary Seven
Gary Seven

16. That day you find out that the three brownstones next to you are being razed for a condo that will usher in your soon to be gentrified neighborhood.

But let's face it, anyone who wants to live in close proximity to 8.4 million people long term was already a little cray, if the experience doesn't make them more neurotic. 

Bernie S
Bernie S

Yeah and then try giving the drug up, you'll find the anxiety during withdrawal at least 10 times worse than anything else you experienced in your life.

William S
William S

Time Out is great but can I have the option of screening out the stupid video accompaniment? It takes all the pleasure out of reading the message. Makes me want an overdose of Xanex.