15 WTF subway moments that will have you shaking your head

Native New Yorkers are born with a bullshit detector and a poker face. The rest of us learn these skills as a matter of survival. Nobody sells you the out-of-gas-need-a-bus-ticket story. You can smell it coming a block away and shut it down before it's in focus.

Still, we did a collective double take when a rat sashayed by with a slice of pizza. In fact, we even took some civic pride in it. Here are 15 moments on the subway that would make even the most jaded, seen-it-all New Yorkers look up from their phones. 

1. When you find out they actually clean the subway tracks—and with a cast of thousands

2. When your commute turns into the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World

3. When you don't have a pen, toothpick or pair of scissors handy

4. When a dark part of your soul hopes he doesn't make it

5. When we can all just get along

6. When you comply with the letter if not the spirt of the law

7. When Santa doesn't take off his backpack like the MTA posters say he should

 

A photo posted by @josvdp87 on Dec 26, 2015 at 1:12pm PST

 

8. When you feel someone's eyes just piercing through you

 

A photo posted by Jess Brett (@jesbianbrett) on Nov 4, 2015 at 6:02pm PST

 

9. When you are about to ruin a pair of shoes and possibly contract hepatitis

 

A photo posted by Adam Craniotes (@craniotes) on Dec 23, 2015 at 11:33pm PST

 

10. "Excuse me, sir, is that your penis on the tracks?"

 

A photo posted by CitySubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Oct 18, 2015 at 8:08am PDT

 

11. When you aren't told exactly what to swipe again at this turnstile

 

A video posted by CitySubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Nov 2, 2015 at 11:46am PST

 

12. When you abandon atheism to pray that this guy won't turn around

 

Bad case of the Friday Fuck-its @evandhoffman #tgif #thirdrail #subwaycreatures #csc

A photo posted by CitySubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Nov 13, 2015 at 7:33am PST

 

13. When you don't know who's side you're on

 

Friday feels @rlevin2 #happyfriday #subwaycreatures #csc

A video posted by CitySubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Nov 20, 2015 at 7:27am PST

 

14. When you dream that something bit your junk and wake up to find a rat biting your junk

 

A video posted by CitySubwayCreatures (@subwaycreatures) on Nov 24, 2015 at 8:17am PST

 

15. When the subway band is better than the last concert you paid for