Native New Yorkers are born with a bullshit detector and a poker face. The rest of us learn these skills as a matter of survival. Nobody sells you the out-of-gas-need-a-bus-ticket story. You can smell it coming a block away and shut it down before it's in focus.
Still, we did a collective double take when a rat sashayed by with a slice of pizza. In fact, we even took some civic pride in it. Here are 15 moments on the subway that would make even the most jaded, seen-it-all New Yorkers look up from their phones.
1. When you find out they actually clean the subway tracks—and with a cast of thousands
2. When your commute turns into the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World
3. When you don't have a pen, toothpick or pair of scissors handy
4. When a dark part of your soul hopes he doesn't make it
5. When we can all just get along
6. When you comply with the letter if not the spirt of the law
7. When Santa doesn't take off his backpack like the MTA posters say he should
8. When you feel someone's eyes just piercing through you
9. When you are about to ruin a pair of shoes and possibly contract hepatitis
10. "Excuse me, sir, is that your penis on the tracks?"
11. When you aren't told exactly what to swipe again at this turnstile
12. When you abandon atheism to pray that this guy won't turn around
13. When you don't know who's side you're on
14. When you dream that something bit your junk and wake up to find a rat biting your junk
15. When the subway band is better than the last concert you paid for