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Photograph: Courtesy Creative Commons/Flickr/Julian Rotela Rosow

18 signs you’ve been cursed by the New York gods

By
Will Gleason
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New York is a city full of annoyances and horrors, but some city dwellers are definitely luckier than others. (Both here and in Chicago.) Ranging from the mundane to the soul-crushing, here are 18 ways you know you've been cursed by the New York gods. Try throwing some pepper over your shoulder onto a dollar slice or bathing in a pool of bodega iced coffee to appease them.

1. The subway turnstile keeps asking you to “please swipe again.” And then tells you that you already used your card without letting you through.

2. It rains anytime you have to go somewhere on the Far West Side.

3. Your train is experiencing delays because of train traffic ahead of you.

4. Your train is experiencing delays because of a sick passenger.

5. Your train is experiencing delays because it’s become self-aware and has decided to go on a quest to find its maker.

6. Every time you find an apartment advertised as “Williamsburg” it’s in Bushwick. Every time you see an apartment advertised as “Bushwick” it’s in Bed-Stuy and every time you see and apartment advertised as “Bed-Stuy” it’s across the street from JFK.

7. You can’t cross the street without stepping in a gutter puddle. You can't step in a gutter puddle that doesn't have floating trash.

8. There are no available CitiBike docking stations within a borough of your apartment.

9. You step in something on the sidewalk that even the Health Department couldn’t identify. And if it did, a quarantine would most likely be put in place.

10. You didn’t notice a restaurant had a C rating until you were leaving because it was so cleverly disguised.

11. You have to interact with any employee of Time Warner over any medium for any reason whatsoever.

12. You drunkenly order enough food to feed an entire 6 train at 9am and then fall asleep before it arrives.

13. Someone in your building put a mattress on the street marked “Bed Bugsss :(.”

14. You live in Astoria and your boyfriend lives in Park Slope.

15. You have to buy three Clif Bars and a week's worth of groceries to meet a card minimum at a bodega. All you wanted was a water.

16. You get caught in the rain without an umbrella and you have to buy an overpriced one on the sidewalk. It breaks within 5 minutes.

17. Your cab driver takes 14th Street. Or 42nd Street. Or a street in the complete opposite direction of where you want to go.

18. Your landlord decides to increase your rent so much you have to move to LA.

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