“The Olsen Twins Hiding from the Paparazzi” THINK1994 Museum; noon; free
Last year Brooklyn comics and roomies Matt Harkins and Viviana Olen transformed their apartment into a satirical shrine to famed Olympic rivals Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding, opening the museum to the public. Now, with an abandoned seven-room doctor’s office as their new venue, the duo is paying homage to our favorite fashion icons/Full House alums/magical sprites Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen by highlighting what they do best: stylishly avoid paparazzi.
Taste of the Terminal Grand Central Terminal, Vanderbilt Hall; 11am, 4pm; free
Enjoy free tastings from select Grand Central shops and restaurants every Monday in April at Vanderbilt Hall. Participating eateries include Murray's Cheese, Li-Lac Chocolate and Juice Press, offering bites and swallows to commuters and curious passersby alike.
Locked Up B*tches Peoples Improv Theater; 9:30pm; $5
Just in time for Orange is the New Black's fourth season, the insane minds at the PIT have crafted a sweet, psychotic and totally hilarious musical prison parody about a turf war between the dogs and cats at the B*tchfield Animal Shelter. Expect bandanas, fake blood, and endless outrageous hip-hop medlees.
Free Sculpt 45 Class Solace New York; 12:30pm; free
This mega popular Sculpt class is a cool-girl favorite, and the studio is being extra-cool by offering free classes just for you! The 50-minute workout targets every muscle with a range of barre moves and core work. Email email@example.com to register, and use the code TIMEOUTNY.
Spooky Action: The Abyss Bossa Nova Civic Club; 10pm; free
Spooky Action returns to Bossa Nova's ominous dance floor, this time diving into the alien sounds of the deep sea. Olga warms up the decks, followed by a special back-to-back set from aquatic explorers Admin and Shy Eyez. Discwoman's robotic acid sensation Volvox is guaranteed to throw down a dark and dirty set as we venture into the ocean's unknown. Turtle Bugg of Basement Floor duo Soul 2 Seoul eases us back into terrestrial territory to close out the night.
TinyRhino: Superhero Edition Littlefield; 8pm; $10
Six playwrights are challenged to present insane ten-minute shows with a few common elements, and you get to watch the experiment unfold with a drink (or two) in hand. This month, the writers assemble to give their spin on caped crusaders, mighty mutants and good-looking Kryptonians.
The Dump! Storytelling Open Mic The Creek and the Cave; 8pm; free
The Creek and the Cave gives you eight minutes to rid yourself of some of your most ghastly memories at this cathartic storytelling event. With no prompts or judges, you can finally share your secret tales of summer camp heartbreak and music festival STDs among tipsy friends and fellow shameless storytellers.
The Queens of Tuesday Boots and Saddle; midnight; free
Every Tuesday Boots and Saddle, three queens rule the stage. Pattaya Hart presents Herro at 6pm, Ari Kiki presents Tacky at 8pm and Brenda Dharling presents Turn Me Out Tuesday at 10pm.
Head of Passes Public Theater; 7:30pm; $60–$105
For Phylicia Rashad, the role of Shelah, the woe-drenched bayou matriarch in Tarell Alvin McCraney’s Head of Passes, may seem like a gift from the heavens. In the first act, Rashad presides with wise, God-fearing forbearance over a fractured family that has gathered to celebrate her birthday, unaware that she’s mortally ill. (In a retro touch, she coughs blood into a handkerchief.) In the second—when Shelah faces the sudden loss of everything she has held dear—the actress has the stage to herself for nearly half an hour, stranded on an island in her own flooded home, arguing with her Maker amid a crisis that draws heavily on the Book of Job, with shades of King Lear and Greek tragedy.
Trio 3 Village Vanguard; 8:30pm, 10:30pm; $30, plus one-drink minimum
Trio 3 may have an unassuming moniker, but its members—saxist Oliver Lake, bassist Reggie Workman and drummer Andrew Cyrille—have been at the forefront of progressive jazz for decades. Together they demonstrate their mastery of both fiery and funky approaches.
Bushwick Flea; 10am; free
Tired of all the tourists snatching the best retro threads at well-known fleas before you even have a chance to dig? Bushwick Flea joined the area’s market scene last year, and a few vendors from the original Brooklyn Flea sell their goods, so you can sift through their prime loot and avoid the masses. Other sellers run the gamut from Alpha & Omega jewelry to Zingara Vintage.
28th Annual Gloria Awards: Women of Vision The Pierre; 6pm; starts at $750
The Ms. Foundation for Women hosts its annual celebration—named for cofounder Gloria Steinem—honoring activists, innovators and philanthropists who fight the good fight for women everywhere. This year's theme, “The Many Faces of Ms.” spotlights an all-star group of honorees including Women and Hollywood founder Marie C. Wilson, Miriam Yeung, executive director of the National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum, and statewide organizer of Parent Voices Mary Ignatius. The evening includes dinner, an awards ceremony and—it goes without saying—lots of inspiring women.
Hamilton: An American Trivia Slattery’s Midtown Pub; 8pm; free
If you scored a ticket to the hottest show in town—Hamilton: An American Musical—this round of trivia should be a cakewalk, as the questions focus entirely on the cast album, facts about Lin-Manuel Miranda and other tidbits. Prepare your troops for a cabinet meeting, during which you’ll choose one person to register your team (of up to four people), and lead them into victory to win prizes like free booze!
Bourgeois & Maurice Slipper Room; 8pm; $10–$20
The darkly comic, bizarrely costumed British alt-cabaret duo performs its first full American show.
CastAndLoose Live!: BanterGirl Saves The World Joe’s Pub at the Public Theater; 7pm; $20, at the door $30
Show your support for all-woman production company BanterGirl, during this comedy bonanza that pokes fun at the serious issues of gender casting by bringing the worst breakdowns to life in front of a live audience. They say laughter fixes everything, right? Special guests Marsha Stephanie Blake (Orange is The New Black), Aparna Nancherla (Late Night with Seth Meyers), Maysoon Sayid (Most Wated TED talk of 2014), Mashuq Deen (New Dramatists) and musician Amy Jo Jackson will be joining the stage. Bonus: A portion of ticket prices will go toward the BanterGirl’s mission to gain equality for female comics.
Bad Film Fest Cloud City; various times; $8, $45 festival pass
Filmmakers with no experience, no budget or both are welcome at this fest celebrating the amateur and the experimental. It might be so bad that it’s good.
Colin Jost Carolines on Broadway; 7:30pm; $32.72
Co-anchor of Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" and stand-up comedian takes to the stage all weekend to perform his freshest and funniest material to date.
Tainted Love: 80s Dance Party with DJ Jane Elizabeth The Bell House; 10pm; free
True acolytes of the ’80s finally have a celebration of their decade that goes beyond leg warmer costumes and embraces gems from the New Wave, Ska, Darkwave and Glam Rock movements and beyond. Hit the Bell House every last Thursday of the month for some of last century's definitive heartbreak ballads and synth jams.
She Makes Me Laugh Lucid Body House; 8:30pm; $6.27
The hilarious ladies of improv group Darling Satan are throwing a big 'ol femme fest highlighting fellow female storytellers and stand-up comics through special performances by Genevieve Gearity, Liza Treyger, Lisa Kleinman and more. Enjoy free pizza and booze while you laugh your ass off.
Tinder Live! With Lane Moore The Bell House; 9pm; $15
Comedian, writer and musician Moore takes the stage to show off her Tinder profile, swipe left, message guys that pique her (and the audience's) interest and even call them live. This month's edition features fellow comics Christian Finnegan, Frank Connif, Amanda Mancino-Williams and Sarah Birtterman.