Ah, St. Patrick's Day, that special time of year when New York honors Irish heritage and culture with a stately parade of traditional musicians and marching bands—and New Yorkers throw caution and sensible outerwear to the wind and get completely trashed at bars near the parade. If you're thinking of attending this year's celebrations, or simply trying to weave your way through the revelers, here's what you can expect to see this week.
RECOMMENDED: See the full St. Patrick's Day in NYC guide
Here are the things you will definitely see on St. Patrick's Day in NYC…
1. Free shots. Thank you, bartenders.
2. The walking barfer. That unfortunate person who will not stop to vomit in one place but instead will make a trail of his biohazardous waste down the block.
3. Grown men dressed up like the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
4. People in body-stockings (and the people around them backing away).
5. A parade! A big old freakin' parade on the streets of Manhattan. We like that.
6. Wasted frat bros having fist fights at 11am.
7. Wasted frat bros’ girlfriends screaming for them to stop fighting but then encouraging them to start again as soon as they stop.
8. Kids wearing green stick-on facial hair. Yes, girls too.
9. People watching the parade and showing off the fact they know what Uilleann pipes are, which are (clears throat) Irish bagpipes.
10. Soldiers playing saxophones.
11. Puddles of green vomit. And the more traditional colors too, but the green ones are the most alarming.
12. Parents with small children realizing far too late that bringing kids to the parade was a terrible mistake.
13. A sad, gaudy trail of abandoned sparkly green clothing and accessories that leads to nowhere.
14. A group of actual Irish people on vacation being bought drinks by everyone who’s convinced they have to be related, because "my great-great-great-grandfather’s uncle had a dream about an Irish hamster once.”
15. Dogs that have been coerced into wearing green dickey bows.
16. Mardi Gras beads, cuz, like, it's, uh, St Patrick's Day, dude.
17. School marching bands doing their absolute best. Aww.
18. Drunk people doing their best to mangle "Danny Boy."
19. Drunk people carousing with gusto.
20. Drunk people weeping with gusto.
21. Just, like, drunk people. All the drunk people.
22. Clumsy make-outs galore.
23. Really, really ill-advised tattoos. And people getting ill-advised tattoos.
24. A pot of gold and a leprechaun, er, if you drink enough.
Written by Time Out contributors, edited by Sophie Harris