Finally, the solution. It all ends here. That guy who slapped me on the F train on New Year's Day 2016. The girl who ralphed inches away from me on a packed G train on Halloween night. The adult man who was clipping his nails for 30 minutes on this morning's 3 train. They'll all soon be relics of the past, old wives' tales we share while we blissfully glide down our serene super-trains in the near future.
The cause of this revolution: floor mats. As part of the city's $20 million, six-step plan to save the MTA from its state of emergency (very reassuring, Governor Cuomo), the MTA is installing Dance Dance Revolution–style arrow mats to get commuters into the subway faster. The vaguely fascist markers will "encourage customers to move into the train and away from the doors in order to improve dwell times at stations,” said the MTA's Kevin Ortiz to the the NY Post.
Two mats have been installed in C trains, to endless rejoicing.
Of course, the MTA will be rolling out some other solutions for the summer of hell, like wider doors, on-call EMTs and more reliable trash clean-up. But I'm not worried. I think this mat thing is really going to work. The future is bright!