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Photograph: Courtesy Creative Commons/Flickr/Jenna Rose Robbins

Fire Island bans booze on all federally owned beaches

By Jaz Joyner
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Whoa there, where you going with that Strawberita? If it's Fire Island, back-peddle your way back to the train because August 1st National Park Service is banning alcohol on all federal lands between Atlantique and Corneille Estates, which just so happens to include a few great party spots we New Yorker's often frequent. Thanks, government. We love it when you get all "dad from Footloose" on us.

The town of Islip is ahead of the game because they already banned drinking on their beaches. Congratulations, assholes. So of course they were happier than a dog with some peanut butter (it's the little things) to hear the news. Here's what one of their councilmen had to say when he found out,

“These people are not picking up after themselves. They’re going to the bathroom on people’s lawns. It’s just mayhem.” Awe, dad, can't we play outside just a little bit more? We're not children, but this new law definitely makes us sound like it. In the NPS's defense, drinking on the beach caused a few issues. Apparently, the litter on many of the Fire Island beaches (after epically-drunken parties, no doubt) take the park service staff almost four hours to clean, which is way more than the usual time. Also, tipsy sunbathers have been found to 'leave their mark" (pee. they pee), and consequentially ruin sand dunes. C'mon guys, that's a little gross.

The goal with this new rule is to stop the usual, often drunk, and predominately "unruly" crowd from heading to Fire Island for cleaner, more beautiful beaches. Luckily, not all Fire Island beaches are banning booze. If your choice Fire Island beach is outside of the community span listed above, you are free to drink as many Strawberitas you like. Hell, why not throw in a Mangorita? We're rebels, man. Rebels. We live on the edge. Of glory.

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