Here are the homes $350K can buy you in each borough

As the most expensive city on earth, New York doesn't offer much in the way of affordable housing. Yet, things haven't quite gotten as bad as they are in San Francisco right now, where Fortune reported the cheapest place on the market is a shack (photo below), which is going for $350,000. The "house," originally built as an Earthquake shelter in 1906, is said to be an unlivable shell and—as far as we can tell—totally haunted. We decided to do our own search of properties listed for that same amount in NYC right now. Here are our findings:

The infamous San Francisco property, which is possibly an opium den for werewolves:

What you can get in Manhattan: A 678-square-foot two-bedroom in Washington Heights that appears to have a folding table between the oven and fridge, possibly in lieu of counters:

What you can get in Brooklyn: A 1000-square-foot one-bedroom in Sheepshead Bay, which has been been nicely remodeled, but only has one bedroom.

Or: A 1,116-square-foot three-bedroom in Brownsville with a backyard.

What you can get in Queens: A 950-square-foot two-bedroom in Rego Park that has an in-unit laundry, parking garage and very shiny floors and fixtures.

Or: A suburban-looking 1,836-square-foot, four-bedroom house in Jamaica (unfortunately it's cheap because it is being foreclosed upon).

What you can get in the Bronx: A 1,798 square-feet, three-bedroom detached unit in Throggs Neck that overlooks the water.  

What you get in Staten Island: A 1,670 square-feet, three-bedroom semi-detached house in Randall Manor that has both a deck and a skylight, but yes, is a ferry ride away from Manhattan.   

So in general, the further away from Midtown Manhattan, the more space you'll get for your buck. But if you don't want a crazy commute, you could always:

Move to Chicago, into this two-bedroom downtown condo with views of the lake, central AC and a washer/dryer  

Or...

Move to Raleigh, North Carolina, where you can get a 2,500-square-foot, four-bedroom Colonial house. But you'd have to kiss those dollar slices and perfect bagels goodbye.