It's true, we New Yorkers are not the most humble lot. But there's a reason for that: we just do some things better than everyone else, and we're not afraid to say so.
1. Walking speed
Google maps says it takes 24 minutes to walk from Penn Station to Grand Central? Please. Even if four tour buses simultaneously exited onto both sides of Broadway and Kanye West decided to host an impromptu concert at Macy’s, New Yorkers could walk that in 18 minutes. With heels on. Everyone else is just slow.
2. Closing times
A bar that closes at 2am? How quaint. That’s when some of the best DJs start playing here, and don’t even get us started on after and after after parties. But seriously, what do you do if you want to hang out at night anywhere else?
3. Movies set here
What, your city's not a constant movie set? That's too bad. There are so many iconic, important monuments of cinema set in NYC it’d be impossible to name them all. But since we’re on the subject, do little films like the Godfather, Taxi Driver Annie Hall, Midnight Cowboy, West Side Story and Tootsi ring a bell?
What a hassle that everyone else has to go pick up their take-out! With one click, we can eat adventurous food from all over the globe, from kangaroo burgers to octopus sushi, without ever changing out of our sweats. Which is an absolute necessity, because did we mention just how busy we are?
As the birthplace of our nation’s favorite delicacy, we simply refuse to hear any other claims to pizza greatness. Don't even try. Eating pizza anywhere else will just leave you disappointed. Also, why doesn't anyone outside the city understand that slices best eaten folded?
6. Public transportation
Your city has a bus system? That’s cool. We’ve got that, ferries, trains and the biggest subway system in the country, which means we can travel to any neighborhood, landmark, beaches or even—ugh—New Jersey without setting foot in a car. Oh, and did we mention it runs all night? How does anyone in other cities get home at the end of a night out?
7. The ferocity of our rats
Your city’s rats are but little mice compared to ours. Gotham’s rats could skin those inferior rodents alive and wear their pelts to the rat operas currently being held in the sewers underneath Lincoln Center. What, they scare you? How cute!
Sure, other lesser urban centers might hold some lovely collections with a few Jasper Johns, or a couple darling examples of early Picasso. But we take our art seriously here. What do non-New Yorkers do when they want to visit a real museum?
9. Pretty Much Everything
Sorry, but when you live in the best city on earth, it’s kind of easy to get a big head about, well, everything.