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Plan your event calendar around this (totally accurate) horoscope

Jennifer P

There are plenty of awesome things to do in NYC this January, but how the hell are you going to cram it all in? You might have to make some sacrifices and put certain parties, shows and annual events on the back burner for another time. But we're using the moon, stars, planets and a little help from our astrology expert (ahem, this writer) to guarantee that you won't miss a monumental opportunity this month.

So start 2016 on a star-sanctioned note, thanks to these (totally accurate) can’t-miss event recommendations tailored to your astrological sign. Spoiler: All signs point to hell yeah!

Aquarius: Back to the 80s Dance Party

You’re not one to express yourself verbally, Aquarius—but you will through the power of dance! Wear your sunglasses at night and shake off the bad juju from 2015 during this epic ‘80s party. Bonus: Ladies drink for free before 11pm with flyer. The Pyramid Club, 101 Ave A (212-228-4888, the Fri 8 at 9pm; $6. 

Pisces: Arlene’s World Famous Live R’N’R Karaoke

Poor Pisces—2015 has been an emotional roller coaster. Shed your sorrows in true rock-star fashion: by belting power ballads by Aerosmith, Toto and Led Zeppelin. And you better bring it! Arlene’s Grocery, 95 Stanton St (212-358-1633, Jan 11 at 10pm; free.

Aries: Winter Jam

Being idle and indoors drives you mad, but thanks to this winter sports festival (and heaps of manufactured snow), there are plenty of physical challenges, from cross-country skiing to snowboarding, to get you moving. Central Park Bandshell at 72nd St ( Jan 23 11am–3pm; free.

Cancer: Hornblower Dinner Cruise

Maintaining important relationships is all that concerns you in the New Year. Keep your squad goals strong by treating your BFF (or S.O.) to a kick-ass yacht party. The tasty three-course meal and stunning skyline views are sure to impress. Pier 15, 78 South St (212-337-0001, Sat 9 at 6:30pm; $125.

Leo: The Drunk Spelling Bee

Your inquisitive mind is no match for comics Jake Flores and Blake Midgette. Yeah, they’ll try to stump you with curveballs, like spelling REO Speedwagon, while seizing your sobriety, but that won’t stop you, smarty-pants. The Creek and the Cave, 10-93 Jackson Ave, Queens (718-706-8783, Jan 12 at 10pm; free.

Taurus: Maeven Vintage pop-up

Weaknesses: You have few, but material pleasures are your kryptonite. Embrace your vice at Maeven Vintage’s monthlong pop-up in Greenpoint. There’s a faux-fur statement coat from the ‘70s with your name on it. (And your stubborn old soul can’t resist it.). 170 Franklin St, Brooklyn ( noon-8pm. Through Jan 31.

Gemini: Winter Jazzfest

Your fascination with music is not to be ignored this month, but try not to let your indecisiveness keep you from seeing pizzazzy acts at Winter Jazzfest, like guitar goddess Kaki King—her astounding riffs will give you life, man. Various locations ( Jan 13–17 at various times and prices.

Virgo: Open Mic Comedy Night at Alligator Lounge

This is your year to stand out during stand-up, so don’t be afraid of the spotlight. Take a shot to ease your nerves, slay your jokes on stage and reward yourself with a free slice of za afterward. You deserve it. 600 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn (718-599-4440, Thu 7 8­–10pm; free.

Libra: Crafts + Cupcakes

You’re desperately seeking inspiration and a more positive crowd. Luckily, lifestyle blogger Sheena LaShay organized the perfect event, where you can be creative through crafts like candle making or DIY Sharpie mugs and bond with folks through the unifying powers of cupcakes. 64 W 3rd St ( Sat 9 at 2pm; $15.

Scorpio: Nitehawk Screenings: On the QT  

You know the rules of the universe, but you’re not afraid to challenge them. Stay out of trouble while sating your thirst for drama with a special brunch screening of Quentin Tarantino’s crime classic Pulp Fiction. 136 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn (718-782-8370, Sat 9, Sun 10 at 11am; $11.

Sagittarius: New York Boat Show

As a traveler seeking some major personal space (the size of the ocean would be nice), you’ll be satisfied with this five-day nautical convention featuring a variety of yachts and sailboats plus a “Be a Diver” scuba pool. Javits Center, 655 W 34th St ( Wed 6–Sun 10 noon­­–9pm; $16.

Capricorn: East Ville des Foiles

If there’s one thing you admire most, it’s quality craftsmanship. Do you possess enough self-control to reap the benefits of this craft whiskey, beer and jazzfest without hitting the bourbon too hard? Go find out! Webster Hall, 125 E 11th St (212-353-1600, Jan 16 1:30­­–5:30pm; $50–$60.


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