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R.I.P. Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

2014 Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Contest
Photograph: Bridget Burns 2014 Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Contest

When Kings County Saloon closed last fall, all of New York—or at least a good-sized pocket of Brooklyn—mourned the loss of the Bushwick dive. While we’ll miss popping by for local bands' live shows and cheep cans of beer, there was one tiny event (some might even call it micro) that loomed large in our hearts: the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant.

We hoped and prayed that despite the saloon's closing, we could still keep the event that brought us so many sexy beasts with the least. But yesterday we confirmed with former Kings County Saloon manager Bobbie Chaset, one of the lead organizers, that the event ended with the bar.

“It’s a sad day for the country as another beloved American institution bites the dust,” says former contestant John Haakenson (AKA Rip Van Dinkle), “I enjoyed hanging out there—in more ways than one.” 

At least we’ll always have the memories of 2015 champion “Puzzlemaster” dancing up a storm to a certain number from Silence of the Lambs, 2014’s “Peter Parker” with his masked hero on top and party on the bottom, and the audience booing average, non-tiny contestant “Rufio.”

There's still a glimmer of hope that Chaset or another organizer will pick up the mantle. But until then, revisit the short shlongs of yesteryear with our VERY NSFW slideshows from 2014 and 2015.

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