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The 5 biggest things all New Yorkers lie to themselves about

Will Gleason
Written by
Will Gleason

That apartment is totally worth it
Looking around a 50-square-foot apartment with a shower in the kitchen, a small porthole-like opening to a dark alley and crooked wooden floors resembling a miniature mountain range, most New Yorkers will pat themselves on the back, pop open a beer and praise god they barely passed the credit check to get the place. “This is a room that’s definitely worth $1,500 a month,” they’ll say to themselves as their body simultaneously touches every single wall. “I really got a deal this time.” By this point, they’ll also be fully convinced that they can actually afford $1,500 a month, and that their new roommate “Todd from Craigslist” isn’t really there.

Walking around the city is all the exercise you need
Why would you ever have to drag yourself to the boring gym when you get all the exercise you need just being a New Yorker! Obviously, anyone who’s told you that you should try to schedule some cardio into your daily routine, is not fully aware that you WALK TO WORK. Not to mention the fact that you carry home your groceries, hike up three flights of stairs to get to your apartment and basically go on an Aboriginal Walkabout every time you visit the drug store. I mean, how many calories does all that walking burn a day? Something like, 3,000?

You only order delivery occasionally
It’s really weird whenever you look at your bank account because it seems like you’re spending hundreds of dollars on Seamless every week, when you really only rarely order delivery. Sure, you pretty much order lunch every day at work and (now that you think about it) order in a good majority of your dinners and (wait a second) also get food delivered constantly to your doorstep over the weekend, but you’ve been getting so much better about cooking! Remember when you cooked that pasta two weeks ago? That was delicious and fun! (Another lie.)

It’s totally normal if coffee needs two sugars to be drinkable
Every New Yorker thinks that their go-to corner bodega/street cart is the best in the city. In addition to turning a blind eye to what goes into making that breakfast sandwich, that also means you take the coffee they’re offering without asking too many questions. What are you going to do? Add an extra block to your morning commute just so can hit up an actual coffee shop? I don’t know if you’ve taken the subway lately, but you’re probably already 10 minutes late as it is.

Cabs are so safe you don’t even need a seatbelt
You know what form of transportation is known for its exceptionally safe driving? New York City taxicabs! So who would ever need to fasten their seat belt in one? For some reason, generally sane people—who would normally wear a seat belt when riding in a car—pretty much always decide they don’t really need one when being driven by a stranger rather than a family member or friend. Maybe everyone's just lulled into a false sense of security by all those Dos Caminos ads? What could go wrong in a world with such plentiful margaritas?

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