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The saddest gifts for sale in the Valentine’s Day aisle at Duane Reade
Written by
Will Gleason

It's that time of year again. And by that time of year, we mean late afternoon on Valentine's Day after it's already too late to order same-day flowers and your dinner reservation is at 6pm. Yes, the annual pilgrimage to Duane Reade's V-Day gift aisle is upon us.

RECOMMENDED: Full guide to Valentine’s Day in NYC

So, let's take a journey... Past the discounted flowers next to the escalator and the heart-shaped Peep lying on the floor silently mouthing, "Abandon all hope," to a land that love forgot. Here are some rock-bottom Valentines that you'll probably want to avoid even if that restaurant has a credit card cancellation policy.

"Hey Babe, I'm cheating on you with Rick. Love, me"


"Hey Babe, My devotion to you is as strong as your rigidly-defined interests. Love, me."



"Hey Babe, Sorry. The bears told me if I didn't pass on the curse, I'd be dead in a week. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, This guy plays One Direction if you squeeze it's paw! Also, I know you're gay and I'm ok with it. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, Thought this would be a nice way for you to "wake" up with your "woke" husband. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, I lost all of our money in a Ponzi scheme. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, Now's probably a good time for me to tell you that I got the same tattoo as this stuffed monkey. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, My love for you can't be defined. Just like this box of a dozen chocolate roses with six buds. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, I thought we could try some tin play tonight. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, I combined three of your favorite things! Chocolate, alcohol and me telling you to calm down. Love, me."


"Hey Babe, Like a heart-shaped box of Starburst surrounded by Goldfish crackers, our love is so, so unique. Love, me."


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