Get excited, fellow curmudgeons, because Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers anymore. As far as the Bronx Zoo is concerned, V-Day is for revenge of the best kind. Get this—you can now name one of the zoo's Madagascar hissing cockroaches after anyone you so choose (like your ex) for just $10.
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It's the perfect gift—for a $10 donation toward wildlife research in Madagascar, your ex, biggest rival or arch nemesis will receive a certificate in the mail letting them know you've named an indestructible roach after them. This tradition has been around since 2011, but thousands of needy "cucarachas" are still waiting for their new names. Be a good samaritan this season and "seal it with a hiss" to make a roach feel special. All you have to do is fill out an online form.
And feel free to get fancy with it! Instead of wallowing to sad break-up songs, think back on your relationship and name one roach per pet peeve (this one is "long toenails," this one is "eating toast in bed"). Name the roach that nickname that your ex "always liked" you to use. Anything goes! You can even leave a message in the letter to explain exactly what inspired the gift. C'mon guys—nothing says "you are the scum of the earth" like sharing a name with a cockroach.