Before we regress during Thanksgiving to our most infantile states, very funny New Yorkers Michelle Buteau and Jordan Carlos give some unsolicited, potentially unwise advice for acting like grown-ups at their hilarious comedy show, #ADULTING, at Union Hall on Sunday November 26. We ask them for some insider tips on surviving these trying times.
1. Don’t be afraid to regift that discounted polo shirt your mom gave you. Give it to your friend who never shops and owns three shirts, which all have stains on them. You haven’t worn a polo shirt since TRL—the nonreboot. You’re paying it forward!
2. Connect with at least one childhood friend when you’re home for the holidays. It’s really just a great excuse to leave your parents’ house. But don’t do a Thundercat call on Facebook that you’re coming to town. Personal emails are the way to go, huney.
3. Get your Dr. Phil on and feel free to reprimand a younger relative if they’re acting like a b-rat. Can’t be friends all the time, and someone has to show these larvae boundaries if their parents won’t. You. Will. Be. A. Hero.
1. Unless you’re going to a soup kitchen, don’t ask to bring someone to dinner. Bring something before you bring someone! No one wants to meet your Bumble date who only texts in emojis.
2. If you’re hosting a big-ass dinner like a ghetto Martha Stewart, good for booface! Do yourself a favor and book a cleaning lady for the next day. That way you can manage your hangover while motor-boating leftovers in a clean kitchen!
1. If you’re going to more than one party, don’t be lame and do an Irish goodbye. Saying goodbye at a party is also a great way of getting out of conversations: “This was sooo good! Gotta go!” Cause when you’re #ADULTING, it’s just as fun to leave as it is to arrive.
2. Bring something expensive and tell everyone how expensive it is. We’re not mad at it. It shows that you care! However, if you can’t say it, then sorry—you can’t buy it. YouTube videos are readily available for you to learn how to pronounce filet mignon, merlot, acai, and cumin.
No small talk about the future! Stahp it! Live in the damn moment! “When are you getting married?” “When are you having kids?” The only questions that should be asked are: “What are you drinking?” “Which wall can I twerk on?” and “Is this the bathroom for drugs?”