Worldwide icon-chevron-right North America icon-chevron-right United States icon-chevron-right New York State icon-chevron-right New York icon-chevron-right Best jokes about the five boroughs: Our favorite #borobash tweets

Heads up! We’re working hard to be accurate – but these are unusual times, so please always check before heading out.

 (Photograph: Rob Nunn)1/46
Photograph: Rob Nunn“It’s a long trip to the Bronx, but there’s always someone to greet you. Usually a child yelling racial slurs and throwing batteries.”—@natefridson
 (Photograph: Courtesy New York Yankees)2/46
Photograph: Courtesy New York Yankees“The Bronx, where nachos at Yankee Stadium cost more than a gently used iPhone two blocks away.”—@erinjudge
3/46
“The Bronx Hospital is the only place where donor blood comes in a brown paper bag from the bodega.”—@noredavis
4/46
“The Warriors began in The Bronx. Imagine that—a borough that even gangs want to escape from.”—@RGDaniels
5/46
“A Bronx Tale 2 will feature a reggaeton soundtrack and a story with no hope.”—@RGDaniels
6/46
“If you’re going to the Bronx Zoo, I recommend getting into the cages for safety.”—@marknorm (Mark Normand)
7/46
“The Bronx: Where the majority of rappers will never be more famous than the Hunts Point hookers.”—@noredavis
 (Photograph: Nestor Lacle)8/46
Photograph: Nestor Lacle“The Bronx used to be the place to be. My grandpa used to go there all the time to get mugged.”—@themaxhoover
9/46
"The Bronx is where you can go see a bunch of caged animals. And they have a zoo." —@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)
 (Photograph: Adam Pantozzi)10/46
Photograph: Adam Pantozzi“Brooklyn: Who else has the balls to gentrify the New Jersey Nets?”—@RGDaniels
 (Photograph: Flickr User: animalvegetable)11/46
Photograph: Flickr User: animalvegetable“The Atlantic Center Mall in Brooklyn is great, if—you’re shopping for a place to die.”—@GiuliaRozzi
12/46
“‘Check out my quirky glasses!’—Everyone in Brooklyn’s response to, ‘So tell me about yourself.’”—@mattkoff
13/46
“Ebbets Field? More like: I-BETS WE’LL find some ORGANIC COFFEE SHOPS nearby now.”—@willystaley
 (Photograph: Michael Kirby New York)14/46
Photograph: Michael Kirby New York“Bedford Avenue? More like: I’m going to BED beFORE I have to deal with all the EFFING HIPSTERS, RIGHT? LMAO”—@willystaley
 (Photograph: Rachel Hathaway)15/46
Photograph: Rachel Hathaway“There’s a business in Fort Greene called Baguetteaboudit (actually). More like: IMMADABOUTIT ('IT' BEING HIPSTERS).”—@willystaley
 (Photograph: Flickr user abull017)16/46
Photograph: Flickr user abull017“Brooklyn: Where not even the subways want to be on the weekends.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)
 (Photograph: Flickr User: Mr. T in DC)17/46
Photograph: Flickr User: Mr. T in DC“Manhattan: come pee here.”—@JonnyFisch
 (Photograph: Paul Wagtouicz)18/46
Photograph: Paul Wagtouicz“Manhattan: Where the dogs are in strollers and the kids are on leashes.”—@AlisonLeiby
19/46
“Manhattan is the city that never sleeps, because you have to work three jobs just to afford your apartment.”—@michelleisawolf
20/46
“Can you believe Times Square used to have jerk-off booths? My, how times have changed. You can do that anywhere in Manhattan now!”—@noredavis
 (Photograph: Virginia Rollison)21/46
Photograph: Virginia Rollison“Go to a Manhattan dive bar and hear the locals get wistful for the days when junkies used to stab you at sundown. Never gets old!”—@natefridson
 (Photograph: Flickr User: musical photo man)22/46
Photograph: Flickr User: musical photo man“The Manhattan Public Bathroom is a 22-minute wait and costs $4.63 to use, but comes with a complimentary coffee.”—@CEdmundHill
23/46
“‘Junkies and hobos and squares, oh my!’—The Wizard of the LES”—@RGDaniels
 (Photograph: Spencer Ritenour)24/46
Photograph: Spencer Ritenour“Manhattan: Where “I need to get the F out of here” means you’re censoring yourself or just being specific about how you’re getting home.”—@harrisoncomedy (Harrison Greenbaum)
 (Photograph: Flickr user forzeshow)25/46
Photograph: Flickr user forzeshow“Manhattan: It’s not called stop-and-frisk. It’s community-outreach-and-see-what’s-in-your-pockets.”—@Matt_Gifford
 (Photograph: Flickr User: Professor Bop)26/46
Photograph: Flickr User: Professor Bop“I once hip-checked a grown woman in broad daylight in Queens. I was immediately appointed to City Council.”—@natefridson
 (Photograph: Sean Ellingson)27/46
Photograph: Sean Ellingson“Queens makes me feel at home. My mother was also a Greek diner.”—@AlisonLevering
28/46
“If you google “Flushing Queens,” you get two entirely different sets of results. But both are shitty.”—@RGDaniels
 (Photograph: Phillip Capper)29/46
Photograph: Phillip Capper“If a tree falls in Queens, you will not hear it because of the airport.”—@RGDaniels
30/46
“The Prince of Zamunda only found one girl worth marrying in all of Queens.”—@AndySandford
31/46
“Originally Seven ended with Brad Pitt riding the 7 to Queens. They decided it was too horrific, and went with decapitating his wife.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)
 (Photograph: Michael Pick)32/46
Photograph: Michael Pick“Queens, where the average body type looks remarkably like Mr. Met.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)
 (Photograph: Pat Guiney)33/46
Photograph: Pat Guiney“Both of the city’s airports are in Queens, because being there makes the idea of leaving easier.”—@AlisonLeiby
 (Photograph: Liz West)34/46
Photograph: Liz West“The unofficial flag of Queens: a stray cat in a tank top going over his computer time at a library.”—@bill_stiteler
35/46
“Queens is New York City’s first line of defense against Long Island.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)
 (Photograph: Daniel R. Blume)36/46
Photograph: Daniel R. Blume“Staten Island: Where 90 percent of weddings are held in gymnasiums.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)
37/46
“Staten Island is just one smoke monster away from being the worst island on the planet.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)
 (Photograph: Caroline Voagen Nelson)38/46
Photograph: Caroline Voagen Nelson“Staten Island: Where lovers go before their murder-suicides.”—@JonnyFisch
 (Photograph: Lee Cannon)39/46
Photograph: Lee Cannon“The Staten Island Ferry is like the Love Boat, except when you get off, you find out you have herpes.”—@RGDaniels
 (Photograph: Flickr user gothopotam)40/46
Photograph: Flickr user gothopotam“Staten Island: We just got cable!”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)
 (Photograph: Courtesy New York Road Runners)41/46
Photograph: Courtesy New York Road Runners“New York City Marathon: People will do anything to get off Staten Island.”—@chrisgayner
Winner! (Photograph: Spc. Ryan A.)42/46
Photograph: Spc. Ryan A.“The Bronx: When there’s just no time to go to Afghanistan.”—@JamesAlexander We hereby name James Alexander: Baron Von Bronx.
Winner!43/46
“Brooklyn: Where someone can yell at a stranger, ‘Suck my dick!’ and the response is ‘Is it organic?’”—@AlisonLevering We hereby name Alison Levering the King of Kings.
Winner! (Photograph: Flickr user flickr4jazz)44/46
Photograph: Flickr user flickr4jazz“Manhattan. Where if you die on the sidewalk, you’re still in someone’s way.”—@RGDaniels We hereby name RG Daniels the Marquis of Manhattan
Winner! (Photograph: Flickr user bclinesmith)45/46
Photograph: Flickr user bclinesmith“If you ride the subway in Queens long enough, you won’t need to buy Rosetta Stone.”—@marknorm We hereby name Mark Normand the Queens quasher
Winner! (Photograph: Norman Blake)46/46
Photograph: Norman Blake“Two-for-one deal on misspelled neck tattoos? Don’t mind if I do!"—Debbie Angiovelli, Staten Island’s Mother of the Year 2012.”—@natefridson We hereby name Nate Fridson the Staten Island slasher.

Best jokes about the five boroughs: Our favorite #borobash tweets

Check out the best jokes from our #borobash contest, as the Twitterati take down NYC borough by borough, in 140 characters or less.

Advertising
We held our first-ever Twitter joke competition in early October, asking comics and any other funny writers to tweet jokes with the hashtag #borobash. Over the course of  five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. Here are the best jokes, and at the end, the winners.

RECOMMENDED: New York comedy 2012
Recommended

    You may also like

      Advertising