This week, the Department of Homeland Security let it be known that they're releasing nontoxic gas into the New York City subways to replicate a potential biological or chemical attack. Terrifying? Yes, and New Yorkers have plenty of thoughts on the subject. Toxic? Well, hopefully not! Still, knowing that unnatural particles are being released throughout our trusted transit system may feel like cause for alarm. But don't panic. There are way more typical New York City instances that are truly toxic to you as a New Yorker. Such as:
Blaming the MTA for being perpetually late to everything
Weird how "one stop away" always takes the same person at least thirty minutes…
Dating someone for their central A/C
Or just to use their apartment as a second closet. Not good.
Ordering delivery from the bodega next door
If you're physically able, go get your chips and sandwich yourself
Sprinting to make half-price happy hour at 6:59pm
Do you really deserve that well drink for $5? Tip generously, at the very least
Calling emerging neighborhoods by their real estate names
SoHa and SoBro are just not it.
Saying you grew up “here”
Which neighborhood? Oh, the suburbs… Thought so.
Bragging about “hidden gems” on TikTok
Shhh!! Stop! Please stop! Don’t blow up our spots.
Never leaving Manhattan
Acting like Brooklyn is a foreign planet? You’re in a toxic relationship with “the city” and also waving a bright red flag.
Eating at a national chain restaurant
You're in the greatest food city on the planet and you're consuming a taco with meat that was squirted out of a gun? Really? Really.
Ordering everything you own from that big website with two-day shipping
Real New Yorkers shop local.
Going out in Murray Hill
T-O-X-I-C. (Bonus points if it's S*ntacon.)