Five months in quarantine can change a person or, at least, reveal who someone really is.
Back in March, we thought our summers would be spent catching concerts, drinking en masse at beer gardens, taking in the latest Broadway shows and working in our offices. Instead, we've had to adapt to a new reality and that has taken different forms for everyone.
Who we were at the beginning of 2020 is likely very different from who we are now. That being said, there are some new types of New Yorkers who have emerged from quarantine. Which one are you?
1. The mask fashionista
It's like this New Yorker was made for a time like this. Masks may be an annoyance to most of us, but the mask fashionista relishes in wearing the coolest and hippest face masks, from ones with fringe to others with stylish chains and more. They might even color coordinate them with their outfits. Some mask fashionistas have been actually making them themselves, spending hours behind their sewing machines either for their own wardrobes, their new mask business or to hand out to essential workers. We see you.
Catchphrase: "I'm making it fashion and I'm predicting denim this fall."
2. The person who got really into roller blading
They hadn't uttered a single word about roller blading until all of a sudden they had a pair on and were rolling down the block. Now they're always out spinning, rexing and dipping all over the place. They're almost a different person with new friends (who also roller blade.)
Catchphrase: "These are my first new pair of skates in 20 years. I can’t wait to take these out!"
3. The person who decided to buy a car
You didn't think they'd actually do it, but now this New Yorker spends more time complaining about alternate side parking than actually driving the car they spend so much on every month. We get it—it's nice to have freedom from public transportation, but at what cost? At least they can help you move now?
Catchphrase: "Oh shit! I have to move my car."
4. The new plant parent
Not going outside has taken a psychological toll on this New Yorker. Instead of relying on the scant greenery around the city to get their nature fix, this person has brought the outside in. In fact, they've brought a lot of the outside in and have shelves of plants that they care for like tiny leafy babies. They're flat out obsessed and will tell you which plants you should purchase next and how to revive your poor forgotten ficus.
Catchphrase: "I accidentally just bought four more plants."
5. The home improvement addict
After being stuck inside for months, the only things this New Yorker talks about now are painting, wood staining and furniture. They're like a walking, talking HGTV show you can't change the channel on. (That's enough about your reclaimed wood dresser, Becky!) But seriously, they've probably turned their apartment into an enviable space fit for a magazine cover.
Catchphrase: "Do you think I need an accent wall?"
6. The parent-turned-teacher
They thought learning new math and taking over teacherly duties at home would only last so long, but this New Yorker has gone through the fires of quarantine and come out a grade-school math whiz (or at least someone who can teach a small human.) They have a newly found appreciation for actual teachers and a deep need for a glass of wine and a nap.
Catchphrase: "When are the schools reopening?"
7. The queen/king of quarantine
Not unlike the home improvement addict, this New Yorker has flourished under quarantine. They've learned a new language, transitioned to "master chef" status, baked annoyingly perfect loaves of sourdough bread, become great at cutting hair, and found peace within themselves through daily yoga sessions. It's disgusting and we're jealous.
Catchphrase: "I actually made this afghan quilt from a pattern passed down from my great grandmother. It was easy!"
8. The biking evangelist
They just started biking non-stop and are obsessed with it now. They've gotten all the bells and whistles added to their bicycle and they're now one with the road. Do they ever take the subway? No. There's a bike lane for that. They see no need to ever get a MetroCard again, and they're constantly reminding you of that. They're definitely at odds with the person who bought a car.
Catchphrase: "I don't think I'll ever go underground again."
9. The mask-less unbeliever
This New Yorker doesn't really pay attention to how close they are to others and if they're wearing their mask, it's on their chin. They can spiral deep into conspiracy theories and have diverged into two subspecies: one, the person who tells you five minutes into your socially-distanced date that Covid-19 is a hoax and the hospitals are empty; two, that things are much, much worse than we imagine. Spending too long with either is ill-advised.
Catchphrase: "It's just the flu."
10. The Covid safety officer
At the other end of the spectrum is the Covid safety officer who will inform you when you've crossed into their six-foot-bubble or scold passersby when their masks fall below their noses. This New Yorker is on top of everything coronavirus, from the best safety protocols to what sections of the economy are open and where NYC stands in terms of its case numbers. They're not afraid to speak up when they see someone breaking these new rules, which can be both annoying and frightening, but we really have to thank them—they're a big part of why we're able to reopen NYC after all.
Catchphrase: "Cover your nose!"
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