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Dr. Alex Schiller
Dr. Alex Schiller

Ask Dr. Alex: How to get laid on Valentine's Day

No date on Valentine’s Day? Sociosexual advisor and self-help author Dr. Alex Schiller (from the comedy-show–slash–singles-event Never Sleep Alone) has this advice for randy solo operators.


What’s a surefire way to make sure I get some on Valentine's Day?
Your best platonic friend is your worst sexual enemy. So dress to the nines and go out alone. Bring a notebook to a popular bar and pretend you’re a journalist doing a story on Valentine’s Day. Approach a sexy stranger and ask to interview him or her; use the opener “What is your V-Day resolution?” to start a fun conversation. When they ask what your V-Day resolution is, look them in the eye and say, “To give a hot stranger the best orgasm of their life.” Again, you must go alone. Remember: BFF=UCB (Best Friend Forever=Ultimate Cock Block).

I’m shy and have trouble approaching people I’m interested in. How can I overcome this?
Why are you shy? Fear of rejection? Everyone fears rejection. Ignore your fear by focusing on the other person. Think of yourself as a confident and benevolent socio-sexual missionary. Let it be your daily goal to make someone feel fuckable. Tomorrow your genitals could turn to dust. Get over your fear and go get laid.

How long should I wait before sleeping with someone?
Long enough to put the condom on.

How do I keep his or her respect in the morning?
“Respect in the morning”? Why did you stay over, you fool? It’s a hookup, not a slumber party. After sex, go home, shower and put yourself to bed. Don’t wait around until morning for the forced brunch invite; you have better things to do. To respect yourself in the morning, make sure you get what you want out of every sexual encounter. Always be clear about what you want in bed, and don’t be afraid to ORGASM (Offer Regular Guidance and Sometimes Money).

Never Sleep Alone, Joe’s Pub at the Public Theater, 425 Lafayette St between Astor Pl and E 4th St ( Fri 15 at 11:30pm; Mar 1, Apr 27 at 9:30pm; “voyeurs” $30, participating singles $25.


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