1. You will begin your apartment-hunting venture with pluck and confidence.
2. You will be glad you're going into this with a roomie.
3. You will click on the same Craigslist ad—cunningly disguised with a couple backslashes and asterisks—50 times in one week, cursing yourself for clicking, and the realtor for being so sly.
4. You will unknowingly e-mail several at-home nudists.
5. Even if you have perfect credit, you will panic about your credit score.
6. You will become increasingly willing to compromise on one-time dealbreakers like scary, unlit stairwells, and terrible water pressure.
7. You will consider renovating.
8. If you can't afford your desired area, you will convince yourself (and try to convince your friends) that wherever you end up is an up-and-coming neighborhood, despite all evidence to the contrary.
9. You will search online, comparing similar rents—and what you get for them—outside of NYC, because you hate yourself.
10. You will try to look at going back to a twin bed as something positive, you know, like getting back in touch with your childhood.