RECOMMENDED: The New York guide to life
1. Your wardrobe will effortlessly become super stylish when you get here—like fashion osmosis.
2. You’ll cook tonight!
3. Your commute will never involve being nearly kicked in the face by a break-dancer.
4. You’ll find it easy to be a starving artist here—New Yorkers love them.
5. Snow in New York is really pretty. Like in the movies!
6. Everyone in NYC sounds like either Joe Pesci in Goodfellas or Fran Drescher in The Nanny.
7. You will get mugged and/or shot at every time you leave your apartment.
8. Women have as much time to grab lunch with their friends as Sex and the City suggests.
9. Same goes for how many single men are around.
10. Williamsburg is cool.
11. It doesn’t matter if you’re unemployed or broke—you WILL have an amazing, spacious apartment, like Monica and Rachel’s place on Friends. Or, hell, any of those bijoux apartments in Girls.
12. Someone will break into your (lovely) apartment through the fire escape, and the detective will be just like Stabler.
13. You’ll be totally intimidated by NYC nightclubs.
14. You will only live in this walk-in closet until you find a job, people don't actually choose to live like this.
15. New York is a "concrete jungle."
16. Living in a sixth-floor walk-up will be great exercise and will not kill your soul.
17. You'll go to Broadway shows and musicals every weekend!
18. People won't help you if you're lost or hurt.
19. That thing about the empty subway car? That’s just a joke, right?
20. That thing about rat-infested parks? How ridiculous!
21. You will not get on the train going in the wrong direction, having lived here for years.
22. If you try to re-create my favorite scenes from classic NYC movies, strangers around you will appreciate that. If you yell, "Hey, I'm walkin' here!" to a cab, it will stop and not run you over. And wait till those people at Katz's get a load of you. They'll have what you’re having!
23. Bedbugs are a thing of the past, and not in any way something you can find on the subway.
24. You won’t find any edginess or grit left in New York.
25. You will throw extravagant dinner parties attended by artists and writers.
26. You’ll find a nice affordable apartment in Manhattan and it won't take 11 YEARS.
27. You won't miss your car at all—you’re only a mile from the train!
28. Everything is expensive. There’s no good free stuff in New York.
31. Grand Central is a just a train station.