Funny Halloween costume ideas
Key Props: This Halloween, you can be embody the spirit of the Donald by rocking his famous comb-over, a suit, gold bars and a "Make American great again" hat (made in China). Or just be the best un-loser with a sexy Donna T. Rumpshaker ensemble.
What to say: “Loser!” and “I’m really rich.”
Killing time between band rehearsals/cigarettes/buying beanies
Key props: Beanie, apron and tattoo sleeves are essential, bangs in your face and thick-rimmed glasses also work well. Note: A glazed, bored expression is vital for pulling off this look. Once you've got that down pat, be sure to light up occasionally and be super chatty with only your friends. No one else. That gets you extra points.
What to say: "Yes. [Heavy sigh] Our cold-press beans are fair-trade artisanal Amazonian small-batch grown." [Look disgusted] "You want a hot chocolate???"
Key props: Who doesn’t love a cuddly kitten? Dress up as a kitten holding a mug and a newspaper, or attach stuffed-animal cats to you and be a person surrounded by cats.
What to say: “Care for a catuccino?” And [wide-eyed with wonderment and insanity] “Isn’t Mittens PRECIOUS?!”
Key Props: “Winning at life” is a phrase often uttered when describing Pizza Rat, who was filmed dragging a pizza slice in the subway. Put on some ears, cover yourself in grime, walk around with a day-old slice and become the legend that is Pizza Rat. There’s even a sexy version available.
What to say: “Nom nom nom PIZZA!”
Key Props: Mickey D’s finally started serving all-day breakfast. What better way to pay homage to your favorite fast-food conglomerate than by dressing up as a veritable smorgasbord of their breakfast offerings? Sexy pancakes, people! Get it? Hot cakes. We’ll stop now.
What to say: “May I take your order?”
The original UWS hipster doofus
Key props: How about Kramer's Manssiere or his A-S-S-M-A-N license plates? Or recruit a sidekick as your NYU intern turned slave for Kramer's nonexistent company, Kramerica Industries.
What to say: Be ready to come out with the kind of verbal diarrhea even your drunkest uncle couldn’t muster: “You’re as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.”
Hooray, another fad is here for an afternoon!
Key props: You’ll need three inflatable dolls (that sex-shop worker won’t bat an eyelid, this is New York), clothes to dress them in and some string to tie them to yourself—one in front, two behind. You’ll also want to take some velvet rope and string it alongside your line of impatient tastemakers.
What to say: “I heard that this new lasagna-muffin hybrid is literally going to completely change my entire life, and I’m going to document every single chew on Instagram!"
Depressed vigilante insomniac, sometime taxi driver (duh). And oh, cinema icon.
Key props: Skull cap and a brush-head; army jacket; zero sleep for a week beforehand.
What to say [delivered, for best result, next to parked yellow cabs or facing mirrored shop windows]: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here." Steer clear of brothels, maybe.
The perfect group outfit. Welcome at all house parties!
Key props: Brown puffy vest (or garbage bag) for your thorax, brown pantyhose over your arms, stuffed pantyhose for extra arms. Or legs. Ugh. "Blood" smeared around your person-chewing mandibles (dollar-store fangs are fine). And of course, martian-style antennae spray-painted brown. If you've got a group willing to do it, bring a blow-up mattress to seal the joke!
What to say: A maniacal grin should do the trick.
NYC's most beloved low-key para-pyschologist
Key props: Tracking down ghoulish spirits and trapping them in metal shoeboxes is no easy task. Actually, it is pretty easy. So you'll need overalls, a receding hairline and tons of cigarettes. A 1959 Cadillac ambulance is a bonus, as is a buddy who's willing to dress up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Prepare to win Instagram!
What to say: “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”
Fight the power!
Key props: A massive—and we do mean massive—boom box is essential, and must be blaring out "Fight the Power" on loop. (Passersby will love this. Your Halloween crew may need a little break from time to time.) You'll also need Raheem's BED STUY DO OR DIE T-shirt, shorts and Air Revolution kicks, plus his LOVE and HATE rings.
What to say: Say it with the rings, yo.
Our favorite NYC rock & rollers—cooler, even, than cucumber
Key props: For Julian, your basic vibe is good-looking-person-tries-to-go-ugly-and-fails. An oversize denim vest will help. We also suggest greasing up your hair and not sleeping for a couple days. For Karen, that trademark 'do is a must, as is red lipstick, skinny jeans and wicked-pointy shoes.
What to say: Julian: "Do you believe in life on other worlds?" Karen: "Maybe there are aliens here right now. Maybe they're hanging out." [Read more from Julian Casablancas and Karen O interview each other]
An It-Girl for our times
Key props: Depending on your body confidence/the temperature on October 31, here are your options: Ill-fitting floral romper and baggy granny underwear or no clothes at all.
What to say: "I don't want to freak you out, but I think I may be the voice of my generation."
Fly-by-night socialite (and sure, sort-of prostitute)
Key props: For NYC girls who want to avoid playing a slutty-anything but still want to look cute, you'll need a little black dress and an impeccable beehive. Practice gazing off into the distance, paper coffee cup in one hand, giant cigarette holder in the other. (Note: We recommend you fill that coffee cup with champagne. Holly would approve.)
What to say: "I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean, a girl just can't go to Sing Sing [insert The Gutter/Max Fish/Rocka Rolla] with a green face."