Where to watch the Oscars 2013

Murray Hill gives his best approximation of the actual Academy Awards ceremony at his 12th annual Murray Hill’s Oscar Party. Red-carpet interviews, celebrity impersonations and reenactments of scenes from this year’s nominated films are all on the agenda, with prizes being given to the evening’s Best Dressed, Worst Dressed and Most Intoxicated audience members. (If you can nab the latter two together, maybe they’ll name a Train Wreck Award in your honor next year.) 8pm; $25.

Prove all that time spent alone in a darkened cinema was worth it as you take down the competition at The Big Oscars Quiz Thing, hosted by TONY copy chief Noah Tarnow. Before the big show, the city’s most knowledgeable cinema fiends will face off in five rounds of anything-goes, Academy Award–themed queries, with movie-tour passes and Blu-rays from film-geek label the Criterion Collection up for grabs. Even those who haven’t seen a movie since Bennifer was an actual thing can get in on the action: Smart-Ass Points are awarded to incorrect-yet-hilarious responses. Afterward, all are welcome to stay put and watch the televised ceremony unfold. 6pm; $15, advance $12.

Join comedians Dave Hill and Jena Friedman as they mock the night’s biggest winners and losers at the WitStream Oscars Party. There’s bound to be at least one great Abe Lincoln joke when the Hollywood telecast runs side by side a live feed of the microblogging site, which counts Michael Showalter, Michael McKean and Patton Oswalt among its approved posters. The hosts have promised only to pontificate during commercial breaks, which beats the annoying loudmouth you’ll meet at just about any house party. 7pm; free.

Your first drink is free at the second annual Ultra Mega Award Show!, where you can have your picture taken with a human Oscar statuette. Comedian and writer Deepak Ananthapadmanabha (a.k.a. D-Pak) will fill commercial breaks with film clips, drinking games and movie trivia (the winner walks away with a $100 Nitehawk gift certificate). A menu of movie-themed cocktails will also be available; we suggest the Django Unchained–inspired Candyland (Benchmark Bourbon, blackberry liqueur, lemon, cinnamon and fresh mint; $10) as consolation for Leo’s snub. 7pm; $25, applicable toward food and drink.

Screw Daniel Day-Lewis! You’re the star at the seventh annual Alt.Oscar Awards, a screening, awards ceremony and dance party to benefit fund-raising nonprofit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Make an entrance on the red carpet, where you’ll be bombarded by fake paparazzi and peppered with vapid questions, Ryan Seacrest–style. You could also win a cash prize: More than $1,000 will be handed out for accolades such as Best Celebrity Impersonation, Most Tragic and Best Costume from a Current Film. 6pm; $10, advance $5.

Toast Michael Haneke’s five Amour nominations the right way—with a liter of beer—at the annual Loreley Oscars Party. Order a Bavarian-style bratwurst ($6) and a stein of Hefeweizen (half-liter $7, liter $14) before kicking back to watch Oscar host Seth MacFarlane’s antics on an HD screen. 6:30pm; free.

The Academy may not hand out awards for Best Hair, but Videology does. The hybrid movie theater, video store and bar also confers titles for Best Dressed and—if you’re really ballsy and/or drunk—Best Acceptance Speech. Comedian Maggie Ross hosts the 2013 Academy Awards at Videology red-carpet event. Fill out a prediction ballot for a chance at winning a comprehensive (and very heavy) copy of 80 Years of the Oscar: The Official History of the Academy Awards, and sip on specialty cocktail the Oscar Goes To (gin, cognac, lemon, orange bitters, sugar and a lemon twist; $8). 6pm; free.