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13 things Chicagoans secretly think when a friend gets married

Written by
Time Out Chicago editors

We all have those weddings we go to that we just can't believe are real. Whether the wedding's in some obscure place in the suburbs or is only serving a cash bar (oh, hell no), we've been there. Here are 13 things Chicagoans think when their friends announce their nuptials. And just remember, when your time comes, don't be that friend. 

1. Oh, no. Her MOH lives in Rockford. Please don't let the bachelorette party be in Rockford.

2. Of course the wedding is in the suburbs. How do I even get home after drinking all night?

3. I swear to god, if the favors are sugar cookies....

4. Please don't make me wear a penis hat and go out in Boystown. I'd like to be able to show my face here again.

5. Everyone knows they met at the Playpen, right?

6. Who has their wedding during Lollapalooza weekend?!

7. They better be serving all-you-can-drink Half Acre.

8. I barely know these people, and now I have to buy them a Roomba?

9. Fuck it, I'm just getting them a sex book from Quimby's.

10. Why would you plan an outdoor wedding in October?

11. The groom's a Cubs fan. I shouldn't even be here.

12. Please don't seat me at a table with the guy from Schaumburg who thinks he's an expert on the city.

13. God, I can't believe he proposed at Navy Pier.

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