Chicago is a proud city, and its residents know how to spot one of their own. If you’re a real Chicagoan, you will find many of the items on the following list a familiar source of frustration. If you’re not a real Chicagoan but someday hope to be, don’t feel ashamed. There are ways to earn city status but fair warning, it won’t be easy. Consider this your introduction and please take notes. One day, you may even find yourself looking down on posers with the rest of us.
1. A real Chicagoan knows the “do not walk” sign is merely a suggestion.
2. A fake Chicagoan asks for the address when all you need is the intersection.
3. A real Chicagoan knows that LSD is short for Lake Shore Drive (not the drug).
4. A fake Chicagoan puts ketchup on their hot dogs.
5. A real Chicagoan knew about Chance the Rapper before he won a Grammy.
6. A fake Chicagoan can’t wait to attend Chi-Town Rising.
7. A real Chicagoan never uses the term “Chi-Town.”
8. A fake Chicagoan still thinks Mike Ditka is cool.
9. A real Chicagoan knows the only beer worth drinking is a craft beer; preferably one that's brewed within walking distance of where they’re drinking.
10. A fake Chicagoan has only heard rumors of Malört's potency.
11. A real Chicagoan always knows which way is east.
12. A fake Chicagoan never seems to have their bearings.
13. A real Chicagoan can name at least five players on the Cubs’ World Series team (not just Anthony Rizzo and Kris Bryant).
14. A fake Chicagoan thinks the party is downtown.
15. A real Chicagoan draws a distinction between “downtown” and “the city.”
16. A fake Chicagoan thinks the 606 is an area code.
17. A real Chicagoan knows there are plenty of beach options in the summer and spends their days wisely avoiding the crowds.
18. A fake Chicagoan sets up shop at Castaways.
19. A real Chicagoan knows what really goes on at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.
20. A fake Chicagoan never seems to be wearing the appropriate amount of clothing during winter.
22. A fake Chicagoan wastes time transferring between trains in the Loop instead of using an east and west bus route.
23. A real Chicagoan knows the source of the delicious chocolate scent in the West Loop.
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