People of KL: The seven species of plane wildlife

1. The Nomad
The Nomad is a species normally spotted on budget flights. This species sports a shaggy coat of dreadlocks, a musky scent (as a result of limited shower opportunities on the road), giant backpacks, a surfboard or two, touristy singlets from Bali, and as the finishing touch, a pair of beat up old flip-flops.

2. The Recliner
The Recliner needs its sleep, and needs it now. Specialising in the element of surprise, the Recliner catches you unawares by reclining its seat at full speed without any prior warning. We hope your kneecaps are insured.

3. The Inspector Gadget
The Inspector Gadget is a man of the future. Once the plane is safely airborne and the seatbelt lights are off, this particular species squawks into action. It eschews all in-flight entertainment and instead meticulously sets up a personal work zone with a collection of shiny tablets, complicated spreadsheets and gleaming bits of technology. And you’re not allowed to go to the washroom because its laptop is all set up. A subspecies is the rather weak-of-hearing VIP, a species that insists on posting one last status update for its adoring fans or replying another urgent email, while the poor air stewardess politely reminds it to turn off all electronic devices for the tenth time. The entire plane sighs in unison.

4. The Child
The Child will always be there, on its very first plane ride, completely terrified by roaring engines and bad plane food, and yowling till touchdown (worse still, playing games at full volume). We completely understand. But that will not stop us from petitioning for a child-only zone (with proper sound-proofing) in future plane layout designs.

5. The Common Rush
Just as the plane lands safely and taxies to a gentle halt, the Common Rush leaps up, opens the overhead compartment and completely doesn’t care if stray baggage fall on your head. They then proceed to retrieve their luggage and stand in the aisle for a full 15 minutes before the plane doors are opened.

6. The Magpie
The Magpie is an avid collector. Free pens, extra barf bags, free playing cards; if the airline has it, the Magpie will ask for it. If the flight comes with free drinks, you can be sure the Magpie is first in line. If you need more identification confirmation, the Magpie may also swipe in-flight magazines, plane blankets and pillows before it disembarks.

7. The Alaskan King Crab
If you’re placed next to an Alaskan King Crab, you’ve won the dreaded plane seating lottery. The King Crab comes in all shapes and sizes but they usually have unusually large and fleshy claws which require both armrests. Give up the battle, surrender your elbow room and you will have peace. Fingers crossed they don’t start coughing, or take off their shoes.