1. The TLDR
The TLDR is a rage-fuelled creature with sensitive little paws that’s unable to comprehend beyond the headline. Its activities include raging at Singapore and blaming everybody else (especially the government) for everything. Born with strong hind legs and quick reflexes, the TLDR is also skilled at jumping to conclusions.
2. The Memeoth
When the Memeoth is around, things escalate quickly, tables are flipped, and challenges are accepted. Armed with an impressive arsenal of memes (which one does not simply use), the quick-witted Memeoth can be easily spotted by their arrow-pierced knees. They don’t actually add much to the conversation though. Much wow.
3. The Writer
Taking delight in showcasing its extensive knowledge, the Writer enjoys pounding out novellas in the comments section, droning on about the history of the issue at hand. While we enjoy learning new things every now and then, we think they should be offered a column instead.
4. The Actifast
One of the internet’s modern miracles, the Actifast is the secret to end world poverty. These self-proclaimed princes (apparently mostly from Nigeria) still quite can’t believe they managed to earn RM20,000 a week doing this from home. However, to keep your device safe (and spyware-free), we strongly advise you to refrain from going in search of this species.
5. The Lurker
The Lurker paddles quietly in murky waters; it reads comments, doesn’t add anything to the conversation, and very occasionally gives a ‘like’ in a show of support. Due to its inactivity, there is insufficient data on this species. However, scientists estimate that there are large pockets of Lurker populations in the city.
6. The Cikgu
An inspiration to all, the Cikgu has embarked upon the thankless task of educating the masses on the usage of proper grammar. The Cikgu’s natural nemesis: the TLDR. Lure it with typo-riddled sentences, to which the Cikgu will inevitably pop up with a painstaking ‘it’s they’re, not their.’