1. The Sloth
Perpetually stuck to its ergonomic chair, the Sloth is there when you leave the office and when you arrive again the next morning, in the exact same position when you tried waving goodbye to it yesterday. Either they have huge projects to work on, or they are just taking advantage of the internet connection.
2. The Dung Beetle
In every ecosystem, scientists have discovered that there must be one character that disturbs the peace on the savannah. The Dung Beetle specialises in stirring droppings and spreading drama, causing death and destruction in its wake. You know why you didn’t get your raise last month? Now you know.
3. The Suck-up
The Suck-up is one genus who has adapted perfectly to the harsh corporate landscape. What the Suck-up lacks in defence mechanisms and back bone, it makes up for with slimy skin (to extract itself from sticky situations) and a super smooth tongue (to ingratiate itself with the alpha of the pack).
4. The Peacock
The Peacock makes you wonder why they are still in the corporate sludge (possibly because we provide good contrast). With an impeccable wardrobe and perfect hair (or shave), this unbelievably attractive species has curiously never repeated any of its outfits, providing some calming relief to our parched eyeballs.
5. The Sheriff
The Sheriff is always painfully on time, follows office rules to a T and only has fun when the boss demands it. Even if you’re only thinking of sneaking a Mars bar at your desk, you can be sure the Sheriff WILL sniff you out.
6. The Colleague
The Colleague is THE colleague. Providing plenty of snacks in their drawers, somehow intuiting what you want to have for lunch, warning you when the Sheriff is coming, and above all, being super good at their job. The Colleague is basically the reason you have managed to hang in there for so long. Now let’s go grab a drink.