A big thumbs up? David Shrigley reviews modern life

‘I don’t like pigeons because they’re like rats with wings, and they carry disease. I don’t know: I do like all living creatures, they’re just the ones I like least in the urban environment.’

‘A big yes. Popeye and his spinach, that’s me and the avocado.’

‘Drugs are kind of important. We can’t live without drugs. It just depends on the drug, you know?

Methamphetamine: thumbs down. Avocados: thumbs up.’

‘Yoga: yeah! (Hot yoga: no. Unhygienic.)’

‘I’m afraid not.  It just doesn’t make good sense does it?’

‘Shorts on men under the age of 30: thumbs up.

Shorts on men over the age of 30: thumbs down.’

EF: ‘I’m 31 and I’m in shorts.' 

‘Just get over it.’

‘Yes. I’ll tell you another thing about Marmite – a combo. Marmite on toast and black tea with milk. That’s the way it should be.’

‘No way. It’s like snacks in church.’

‘I have no opinion about scented toilet paper.’

EF: ‘You’re basically rubbing perfume into your anus, you either like that or you don’t.’

‘You’re not really rubbing perfume into your anus, it’s just that rubbing the perfume into the anus is a side-effect of trying to do something else. All right, scented toilet paper, get rid of it. I’m a bidet man, given the choice.’

EF: ‘Wow. That’s a bold claim for someone who’s not French.’

‘Everybody likes a bidet, don’t they? Once you figure out what it’s for, bidets are really useful.’

‘To hell with flatpack furniture and the shop that sells it.’

‘Has to be a good thing.’

EF: ‘There’s a lot of vomit on it, though.’

‘I didn’t say I wanted to ride on it.’

‘Sorry, Boris, I’m one of Sadiq’s men now.’

‘Sorry, I don’t like you.’

‘To hell with Nigel Farage and  his moustache.’

EF: ‘I think his moustache is a good thing.’

‘Yeah but it’s attached to him.’

‘I think it’s good, as long as I don’t have to be nominated for it. It was hard work: you have to do loads of interviews.’

‘Right now it’s great. But sometimes, urgh, it’s hard.’

‘Yeah, I love dinosaurs. Not so keen on Crystal Palace, but dinosaurs, yeah!’

‘Art’s good, right? Yeah.’

‘Yeah, best kind of art!’

‘Street art’s good.’ 

EF: ‘All of it?’ 

‘Most of it.’ 

EF: ‘Some of it.’

‘That which is art, is good. That which is vandalism, less so.’

‘Oddly, I do still quite like vandalism. There’s quite a thin line between street art and vandalism, and  it’s an interesting one. It’s good for now.’

‘Well-behaved children in art galleries: thumbs up. Feral children in art galleries: thumbs down.’

EF: ‘I saw a child destroy a piece of art once.’

‘Was it a piece of my art?’ 

EF: ‘It wasn’t. Has that happened?’ 

‘Of course it’s happened!’

‘It’s flattery, right? People who steal your art, that’s the most sincere form of flattery.’

‘Most of them are OK. If you walk down the street in London and go “Dave!” at least 25 percent of the men will turn around. Which is a good thing! I once went to a wedding where about 50 percent of the men were called David. I think that’s a thumbs up.’

'That's fine.'