‘Tonteria’ means ‘nonsense’ in Spanish, and this Mexican-themed Sloaney hangout has silliness in spades: think fire-eating women in latex, live lucha libre wrestling and booze poured from a miniature Mayan ziggurat. If that’s not ‘loco’ enough for you, there is even a toy train to deliver shots to your table. Yeah. In one of Guy Pelly’s stable of west London bars, the clientele are predictably well-heeled (legend has it Prince Harry uses his own secret entrance), but there is delicious tapas and it’s a prime spot to mingle with the high-born and high-cheekboned. To blend in you may as well quaff a champagne cocktail: the Tonte Spritz’s heady fusion of sweet and citrus will have you merry from the initial sip, while the frozen margarita is deceptively drinkable while packing a serious punch. Special mention to the stonking tequila selection, most notably the Reserva de Alma, one of only two bottles of its kind in the world and a snip at £5,000. ¡Ay caramba!
7-12 Sloane Square
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Average User Rating
2.9 / 5
- 5 star:12
- 4 star:0
- 3 star:2
- 2 star:0
- 1 star:14
Disgusting service. Arrogance unlike I have experienced in London before and all under the guise of a cheap knock off tequila nightclub. Offered drugs multiple times on this premises by unsavoury characters. Not recommending or visiting again.
I haven't experienced service as bad as Tonteria's anywhere else in London. I was joining my friend's bday party and he had a table. On arrival, bouncer told me to wait and haven't got back to me for the next 30 minutes, although I was the first one in the queue. They have let about 40 people in in front of me, even though some of them looked like they were well below 18. My attempts to ask when I would be let in weren't very successful as the useless bouncer pretended he didn't hear me and completely ignored me. 40 minutes in, the door lady asked if I was with a table ( yes - as I said 40 minutes ago on my arrival...) and as I was hoping the nightmare would be over, the bouncer said that apparently my table has hit the limit (???) of people allowed in? They then offered me to pay to get in. When I asked them what took them so long to explain this to me, and why I had to wait 40 minutes considering he knew about this "limit" issue all the time, they didn't respond with anything even half adequate. Complete waste of time.
We had the most amazing night at Tonteria, on their 'Do Not Disturb' Thursday. The dancers looked amazing in the hot coloured latex outfits and the 'Fever' performance was fantastic. There is so much attention to detail with the Mexican theme and delicious frozen margaritas with so many different flavours! It really is an unforgettable experience!!
Whatever the weather, season, day of the week, even time of day (a bbirthday brunch had me dancing on the ceiling at 3pm) - Tonteria is too fabulous. There couldn't have been a better venue for my birthday this year - endless drinks brought out to the beats of In Da Club, just the right tunes at just the right time and dancing all night - it even got my parents on the dancefloor when the last time they had ventured out was to Annabels 30 years ago. They loved it, I love it - go Tonteria!
This is as far from a serious tequila bar as you can get in London. It actually trivialises and mocks tequila culture, it's not meant to be shot and they make this a joke by send shots to tables by a miniature train. Some of the Tequila's aren't bad at all, especially some of the rarer ones but it's still a bar for those who think tequila is just a quick way to get drunk. This is a bar for those have more money than taste and think that the most expensive tequila is the best. Do yourself a big favour and head to somewhere like Cafe Pacifico or La Perla. The music may not be 'banging' and it's not party-like all the time, but it's nicer on both your wallet and you palate.
They exist as poorly executed parody of themselves; attempting to capture Chelsea zeitgeist but unable to spell either. Withering derision was called for. WARNING: They may take pride in their ability to upset
"Do not distrurb Thursdays"? "Do not bother Thursdays" would be a more appropriate name for this disaster of an evening! That is unless you like spending 2 hours queuing with coked-up, gurning door staff eye balling you and flicking their bleach-stripped hair at you. Trashier than Miley Cyrus a la VMAs! Completely shambolic queue organisation, grimy bouncers matched only by the grimier clientele, flowing with over inflated egos, fake tits and peroxide. Don't believe the hype, this night is a joke. Complete time wasters. If only Time Out would allow a zero star rating! Guy Pelly has a lot to answer for...
Always a good place for a weekend out in London. Loads of funky events and has a very high lowest level. Interested to see how their new 'Do not disturb Thursdays' will look like.
It's Monday, the night is young. We ditch the rooftop bars in favour of a worthy adventure…Tont’s it is (again)! Taxi pulls up to a roadblock of people and a line of cars to match #2Fast&2Furious, clearly Monaco’s in town. Through those doors and down the stairs, you’re transported into Sloane Square’s answer to Little Mexico. Funky décor, smiling staff, great music. You don’t need Tatler to tell you, you’re in the most happening place, just look around at all the beautiful people letting loose on the dance floor, with a frozen margarita in hand – I feel like I’m in a music video already. Make way for the Harlem shaking champagne showers, enjoy some trainspotting with a shot of tequila, and party the night away with the masked dancers. Some of the best nights I’ve ever had, from post-work drinks in an intimate dim lit lounge, served with a dinner menu of delicious and affordable tapas dishes, to letting the hair down for a crazy one. For me this is home away from home!
Tonteria is off the charts I took some clients down and they lapped it up. It's has a new trendy vibe to it with it's Mexican tequila theme but it's a good time place that is not pretentious at all. The waitresses wear the most wicked outfits and the signature drinks are epic. Also I liked the fact that Margerittas are constantly on tap so you can get served quickly. We spent a couple of grand in there but I reckon u can have a great time in there for just 100 quid... I'm going back for my Xmas party
Hands down, THE most fun night out in London!!! Cool to go early for dinner, the food is on point, delicious mini Mexican tapas...the perfect fuel for the night ahead! Supplement this with their signature frozen margaritas followed by shots, delivered to you via shot train (genius!!) and you’ll be well on your way. As dinner winds down and the music winds up this place gets packed out!! The ambiance is fun, there’s a cool mix of people and the staff are really friendly! Awesome DJ too, who plays the perfect blend of latest chart, hip hop and house all night. The only one issue is that before you know it the night is over far too quickly...damn you tequila!! Fair to say that I’m quite a regular there now, even had the delights of Harlem Shaking with the Princes!! Definitely recommend this place!!
I really can't recommend this place enough... I've been countless times whether its for chilled afterwork drinks and tapas or a crazy clubbing night - I've always been been met by friendly door staff and waiters who ca't do enough to help plus the music is always incredible. It honestly puts jumped up clubs in west London to shame. Looking forward to my next Frozen Margheurita Cocktail Tonteria style soon!!
I recently had to organise a Hen Do and Tonteria surpassed all our expectations. We had some gorgeous mexican food early on in the evening and then come 10pm the night got a little wilder! The music was fantastic, the drinks A* and the hen said she couldn't have imagined a more fitting end to her singledom. Make sure you order a frozen Margarita and check out the amazing shot train. HIGHLY recommended!
Without doubt the best monday night in London!! Never fails to entertain on all levels..:-) Great music, waiters and waitresses... Awesome crowd and good fun night out!
Tonteria is such a fun night out! A tequila train whizzes round your head, every song the DJ plays makes you want to dance and you can sip away on some amazing cocktails. Every now and again the sparklers come out or some crazy masked dancers do their thing - all making a great fun atmosphere. I'd go every night if I could!!
Their behaviour suits their name! Don't recommend this place at all! There are so many nice places to go out in London, don't waste your time in Tonteria!
We had booked a table at this club to celebrate my friends birthday. Once we arrived we were told that they had no booking for us. We were then told that they did have our table but we were not the kind of people that they wanted in the club. They judged us upon first impression which is disgusting! I have told many friends about this horrific club and the vile staff and they are spreading the word that everyone should NOT go here! We ended up getting a table in a different club and had the best night, so thank you Tonteria for not letting us in your stuck up club!
What a horrible place!! Me and my friends had planned to go there for a birthday only to be old that we were not the sort of people that they wanted in there. This is ridiculous!! To blatantly judge people like this! What gives them the right! I'm glad I was turned away I couldn't think of anything worse than giving the jumped up staff at tonteria my money.
I've been twice now & this is probably the best night out in London & it's always full - even on a Monday, so they can be picky who gets in, it's funny reading reviews as if it's your right to get into someone else's club.
Honestly it's my fav place to go out in London! Even its small but the most craziest parties are happening there. Love the music and atmosphere. No trashy people, it's pretty high end (full of models, celebs and rich people)! I dont know about bookings, but i keep coming back there cause it's really nice!
Awful place, dont ever go there!!! Book a table there in advance for my birthday party and was left on the street with my guests at my birthday because the door staff said its full and t5hey didnt care about my booking.. the worst experience ever!!! ZERO RATED!
Following on from below, I've realised I didn't set my rating - obviously it goes without saying that it's one star, and it doesn't even deserve that.
Just to be clear - I wanted to give this venue zero stars but it seems this was automatically set at 3 stars for my review below. Avoid!
to reiterate the below (no idea why the user has given 5*) we booked a table for ny friends birthday party and arrived half an hour late and were told the table had been given away. Would have been semi ok if they had told us this would be the case in advance or been in any way decent about it but they were just incredibly rude. I know door staff arent often famed for their charm but this was extraordinary. Apparently even general entrance wasnt possible as they were "at capacity"... we therefore then waited for 40 mins on their advice while "something became free", and when it did we watched in awe as a couple of slick haired guys (who turned up 20 mins after us) got let in before us. I dont actually even know why i am suprised, but for whatever reason it wound me up given we wasted the best part of an hour of our lives we will neverget back. The door policy is definitely not as egalitarian as the above review would have you believe and given we are approaching a triple dip recession and 2 previous clubs in its place here have closed down before it prhaps they should be a little less complacent and a little more human. i wont be patronising it again.
An enlightening insight to the promoters who work there and their psyche – sustaining a lifestyle trap where they seem to depict an ego of a minor celebrity and the pitfalls that accompany that stereotype... Hair flicking their own display of the "public appearance stance" accompanied by wide eyed blasted pupils and intense jaw prodding behaviour. Rude rabid dogs-some of them could have done with being put down or more conservatively a stint in rehab perhaps. The rope stanchions seemed to be containing a bunch of wild animals and that was on the inside of the queue. Resultantly what I witnessed looking in from the queue was enough to send me pivoting 180 degrees outbound! NIL POINTS!!