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12 times 'Peep Show' summed London up perfectly

By
Jonny Ensall
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'Peep Show' is back on our screens tonight (Channel 4, Wednesday, 10pm) but – as this is the last season – we've only a few more pearls of El Dude Brothers wisdom to look forward to. Since 2003 the Croydon boys and their accomplices have reminded us that London is full of pathetic weirdoes, simply trying to make the best of things. A comforting thought. In fact, there have been very many times when they've summed up the awful brilliance of living in the capital. Here are 12 instances when 'Peep Show' had London's number.

1. On flatmates:
‘We'll be friends! Like the friends on “Friends”! Who were such good friends they got bored of being friends and started screwing each other.’ – Jez

2. On romance:
'Lovelife may be a rather grandiose term for staring at women on the bus.' – Mark

 

3. On ambition:
'Please don't shit on my dreams. I don't want shit on my dreams.' – Mark

4. On job opportunities:
‘I would literally stab a baby to do it.’ - Mark

 

5. On The City:
‘In. Fire 30 percent of the workforce. New logo. Boom! Out. You are now a fully trained management consultant.’ – Johnson

6, On Theatreland:
‘Relax – it’s all different now. They’ve moved on. They use proper actors – Americans, people off the telly. They’re all based on films, so it’s fine.' – Jez

 

7. On just catching the bus:
‘Yes! I am the lord of the bus, said he.’ – Mark

8. On house parties:
‘Yeah, obviously it is only a tactical party. I'm only having a party to eventually get sex.’ - Mark

9. On house repair:
‘A new boiler. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend a thousand pounds. At least throwing the money out of the window you’d see the scrabbling mass, the hate-filled faces. I have spent a cool grand on acquiring the resumption of an equitable temperature.’ – Mark

 10. On trying to be sophisticated:
‘Obviously it’s not really delicious like hot chocolate or coke but for wine, brilliant!’ – Jez

11. On gaining a sense of perspective:
‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I'm not in the one percent of people who think they're going to be famous musicians and are totally right. But, in the 99 percent of talentless, misguided dickheads.’ – Jez

12. On leaving:
‘You've done the south now – the London Eye, the Trocadero – you probably want to be heading up north. There's a Harvey Nichols in Leeds that everyone goes on about, as if it's the answer to something.’ – Mark

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