The night tube is dark and full of terrors – not to mention pools of vomit, blokes weeing on the tracks, people taking drunken selfies, mountains of beer cans and some seriously shady London folk. Aside from being one ‘nasty, trashy, sleazy, classless’ (thanks, Destiny's Child) experience, the night tube does have its benefits: no more night buses (unless you live south-east), no more rip-off Ubers or black cabs and most importantly, no more nights out that end before midnight. YAY! From creepy deserted stations to very drunk Londoners, here are 16 things I spotted while taking the night tube for the first time this weekend.
1. At times, the night tube is scary. Like, deserted '28 Days Later' scary:
There's nobody around in King's Cross:
Not a soul:
2. People say some weird and hilarious stuff ( via #wordonthetube):
'It's so hot on here I think my vag is on fire.'
'Jesus looks like the type of guy who would wear crocs.'
'Are vegans humans? Or are they like their own species?'
'I would dick slap John for a burrito right now.'
'I lost my drink but I think I've found myself.'
'Don't tell anyone but I used a child travel card to get on the tube tonight.'
3. Unsurprisingly, everybody is drunk:
Totally happy drunk:
4. The carriages are so pretty:
5. It's a free gym:
6. SELFIES! Selfies everywhere:
7. Everywhere you look, you'll see some kind of anarchy:
8. The seats are haunted:
9. Speaking of seats, priority seat rules no longer apply #trolleyed:
10. The peeps on the night tube are scary:
11. You'll see shit like this that will just make you LOL (seriously 9/39 minutes?):
12. There are loads of totally dreamy police officers keeping us safe:
13. At every interchange stop you'll hear 'The Northern line is suspended. The Circle line is suspended. The Metropolitan line is suspended (when does it ever work?) The Piccadilly line is suspended. All National Rail Services from this station are suspended.' We get the point, TfL:
14. Friday, Saturday, same crap, everyday – everyone still looks miserable and you STILL won't get a seat on the tube:
15. There are awesome 'playlist' service information signs like this:
16. The seats are the new bins (at least they were decent enough to try and hide their litter):