When you have a lot of things to do, make a to-do list. Don't want to actually do the things? Spend ages making that to-do list heartstoppingly beautiful!
This could be the cynic's take on Instagram's planner/journal/list-making community, particularly around the Bullet Journal system that involves trackers, lists, topics, signifiers, wheels, grids and other beautiful ways to procrastinate while still feeling productive.
But who am I – the man whose personal organisation system is 'PROCRASTINATE PANIC APOLOGISE SELF-LOATHE' – to criticise? Because imagine quite how together your shit would feel if your life looked more like these.
I have a system for everything.
I have colour-coding.
I have checkboxes.
Yes, I have colour-coded checkboxes.
Through organisation I become more powerful each day.
Also I have a bunch of neat felt-tips.
I plan my meals in advance.
Life is simple and I am in control.
Each day I fill the grid and I am safe.
In meetings I take notes. They look like this.
Each week is laid out before me. No surprises.
I take regular exercise. There are boxes for this also.
There are many things to do, but I can accomplish them one at a time.
Tasks have subtasks. There is a hierarchy. And I stand atop it, master of all I survey.
I record the weather. I take my vitamins.
All is well, that is for sure.
What am I meant to be doing now? It's okay, I can just check.
So pretty. So soothing.
I capture my memories with tiny pictures. These also go into boxes.
When I am bored of boxes, I can use wheels. It's all good.
The line goes up. The line goes down. In this way, inner mastery is achieved.
My plans are literally infallible.
Also my handwriting just looks like this.
This plan is too elegant for others to understand.
New year, same me. I am already in perfect control. Thank you, and goodbye.